


Why do i have to.....I don't wanna...

by LaurelinTengel



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bullying, Childhood Trauma, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Family Issues, Fights, Getting to Know Each Other, Han Jisung | Han Is Bad at Feelings, Lee Minho | Lee Know Is Bad at Feelings, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, M/M, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, Physical Abuse, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:22:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27119509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaurelinTengel/pseuds/LaurelinTengel
Summary: Minho's does not have a good reputation but for some reason all of Jisung's friends, old and new, hang out with him. Just not Jisung because Minho hates him....Why...He has no idea. So he just tries his best not to get killed existing around each other until one night when all of that changes.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 18
Kudos: 133





	1. The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them

**Author's Note:**

> I have wanted to Minsung for a while so this is me Minsunging ｡◕‿‿◕｡  
> No beta still dying like men.  
> Also be warned that as the tags say eventually there be some things they got to deal with like childhood trauma, abusive people in their life's and family issues of different types like neglect. So be aware and stay safe.  
> All the love and hope you are doing ok!

‘’’

Minho sighed a really deep sigh, he hated tonight. He hated that he came out because he was quilted into it by his childhood friend who he hasn’t seen in at least a year. So here he was staring at an annoying ass person he hated the guts of being drunk off their ass and falling over. Laughing on the floor and reminding him why the fuck he hated that dude to begin with. 

So goddamn loud that dumb boy. Then the dude-bros that were filling his cup for the past half an hour and laughing at him getting way too drunk way too quick clearly not handling brown liquor well. Probably that silly happy boy only ever drunk beer and soju before. 

Minho hasn’t hung out with his childhood friend for a reason, even tho they were at the same university. Because she was very much into this dude-bro culture and partying and being here for the fun because her parents were so fucking rich that it meant nothing to them to pay for this, they probably only expect her to find a rich bro-dude husband here to begin with. Which was just sad, well he hoped she had fun tho and found what she was looking for. Even if everyone around here seemed like a garbage human she was always kind and caring while being a bad bitch. Which he always respected. 

This dudes clearly were not trying to be that dumb boys friends, its not like he knows anyone here or has anything really to do so he stares at the middle of the living-room where the boy tries his best to get up while holding a half full cup in his hand. Not having the brain capacity to put the cup on the floor and getting up. 

He sighed again. The only reason he knew who that dumb happy boy was to begin with were his dance clubs youngest members that had attached to him since the start of the semester. They were talented and he didn’t mind them trying their best to be friends with him despite his lukewarm response he gave them. 

Sadly with Hyunjin and Felix came Jisung…the annoying dumb loud boy that kept appearing at his practice room, in his dance studio, at his lunch table and now even here of all the places to see him at. For god sake he felt like he had done something wrong in his past life to be haunted by this squirrel of a boy.

The beefy dude that laughed the loudest and poured Jisung's cup full again had an arm around him to keep him upright. If that continues the boy would end up at the hospital. And for what, so those dude-bros can have a laugh and maybe draw on his face leave him lying somewhere in a funny pose or steal his clothes or do something worse. He hated that he had that thought, they could do something do him. 

He sighed for the hundred time it felt like this evening and got up from the seat he took in the corner to sip his drink and avoid everyone. He stretched his neck and but his fuck you face on, that worked pretty well to get rid of most people. 

He walked over to the group of dude-bros and one drunk off his ass squirrel boy and grabbed a hold of Jisung saying angrily: “There you are! I been looking for you for half an hour, we have to go the guys are waiting for us at Hyunjin’s place.” He casually pushed the dude-bro away with his body while pulling the wobbly Jisung basically into his arms.

The dude-bro clearly didn’t like that and buffed up his chest like some sort of dumb fuck saying: “Hey, we were in the middle of something here. Who the fuck are you?” 

Minho smiled the coldest of smiles: “I’m out of here. Have a lovely night, fuckwit!” He turned and dragged the staggering drunk boy with him while the dude-bro clearly wanted to grab him but was pulled back by his bros, who he hear saying: “Don’t start nothing, don’t you know that dude is crazy, he broke my cousins face for just bumping into him, like not worth it. I heard his family is in like organised crime or something and he been fighting on the streets since he was a kid.” 

The rumors made Minho laugh out loud and Jisung suddenly looked up at him like he just realized where he was and who he was holding on to, to stay upright. 

Jisung started to pull away but he lost his balance and almost fell over with Minho catching him just so and holding him tight like some damsel in distress. Their faces were way to close to each other and Minho had to give it to the annoying boy, he was pretty. His face was cute and his body under his hands felt just right. 

He looked scared tho, like the little squirrel he named him to be, like he expected to be eaten and would do nothing about it. That fucking annoyed him again. He pulled away adjusting his grip on the younger’s waist to hold him steady and said just to put him in his place: “God, you breath stinks. Why do I even have to deal with some drunk ass child who can’t handle himself?! I will bring you home now just so Hyunjin won’t try his miserable best to kill me and hurt himself in the process because that would mean he can’t dance and I don’t have any time for that when our performance is coming up and Felix won’t look at me all disappointed and puppy like.” he dragged the younger all the while to the door and moved through the crowd that oddly had formed in the foyer of the house. He held on tighter and pulled the boy in so Jisung face was in the crock of Minho's neck and his breath tickled him. 

When the fresh air hit him he realized he was a little tipsy himself because he had sat there for almost an hour just emptying a bottle of gin and glaring at everyone. He thought to himself may as well take a night to wallow and be a miserable drunk but he hadn’t gotten half the bottle drowned yet before this squirrel boy distracted him from his fully normal and healthy plan. 

Jisung seemed to have heard him and understood at least some of what he said because he wasn’t pulling away anymore he was getting actually pretty comfortable in his embrace putting his very much cold hands under the older’s jacket to warm them and snuggling closer burrowing in like the squirrel he was because the air was cool and he wore only and t-shirt for some reason, probably left his hoodie at the party. Minho sighed again and accepted that intrusive annoying boy for now. 

He didn’t know where the boy lived so he didn’t really have any choice but to call Felix to ask where Jisung lived, he seemed like the safer option less questions asked. If all else failed he could just hand him over to Felix or something. Be rid of this hassle and forget this miserable night ever happened. 

He got his phone from his jeans pocket with one hand and manage to get his contacts open when the boy in his arms leaned heavily on him making him stagger. Was the boy gonna pass out? What the fuck? But as he looked at the others face and he seemed to be fucking sleeping… while standing and leaning way too heavily on the older. 

He pressed the call button, he needed to get out of this situation he gotten himself into. Why was he doing this? It took a while before Felix picked up and when he did there were loud noises in the background and it was hard to hear him: “Hei, Felix where are you at right now?” Minho asked just to start the conversation with anything other then I got your drunk friend where should I put him?!

“I’m at the culture center for the gaming tournament. Did you call to see how I was doing? You are really the sweetest hyung, everyone would be shocked if they knew.” 

Oh fuck now he remembers Felix had gone on about going to the tournament this Saturday for the whole week he was so exited about it. He had mostly just nodded along not that interested in it. 

“Felix, listen something came up. Can you tell me where Jisung lives?” he was waiting for a response but heard Hyunjin scream something right next to Felix and the other said: “Wait. I can’t hear you hyung, please say that again? Wait for a moment Hyunjin, I’m talking to Minho-hyung.” half of that sentence wasn’t even directed at him and he just wanted to get this over with and started to repeat himself when the call cut of and he looked down at his phone all confused just to realized his old ass dumb phone had tricked him into believing he had 30% battery when it was like just three. 

“Fuck!!” he said loudly into the relatively quiet street where he was standing with a drunk boy hanging on him. He didn’t have the money saved up to buy a new phone yet and this just reminded him to be more vigilant about his earnings, maybe eat less. Only eat lunch every other day. He could do that again. 

Jisung stirred and lifted his head from his burrow between Minhos neck and shoulder to stare blurry eyed at the older and say: “I think this you is so much nicer then the real you! You know. You’re like warm and stuff and you smell so good. Why do you smell so good? I always thought you would smell like sulfur because your a demon who came from Hell to torture me.” he rambled on and then giggled into Minho’s face, the annoying ass drunk boy. 

At least he was conscious so he asked him: “Where do you live? Can you tell me the address or give me your phone? Do you have your phone on you?” Minho started to pat down the boys pants who squealed like a little kid and pushed him away while completely forgetting the only reason he was upright was because he was holding on to the older. And fell on his ass trying to soften the landing with his hands. Which of course got scratched up in the process. 

Fuck his life, Minho thought while starting to pick up the drunk boy like a child who had fallen. Jisung was staring at his slightly bleeding hands and looked confused. When he pulled him up by the waist he looked the hand over, holding one and then the other in his. Looked like he just needed to clean them properly when he gets the boy home. So he tried again, being patient, he could do patient. 

“Jisung, where do you live? Can you tell me is it the dorms or with your friends?” the younger looked at him again still all confused and said: “I don’t like it here anymore. I want to go home.” and started to turn to walk on his own but Minho held tight this time. “Then please tell me where you home is? I would gladly take you there when you could just tell me where that is?” He kept his voice calm and try to look less frightening and more like a friend he guessed. 

“I don’t…. I want….Mmm… I can do this on my own. I am fully capable and I want to….” he was saying while trying to walk into the wall next to the sidewalk. 

The deepest of sighs later. Minho hefted the boy over his shoulder. This would be the easiest way to walk as Minho’s apartment was at least half an hour away from here by foot. And dragging the staggering, sometimes sleeping boy would be too much of a hassle. 

He heard a loud: “Hey! Why is the world the wrong way around? What just happened?” come from the boy and then he seemed to quiet down. Which was a small blessing. Why did he shoot himself in the foot like this, he wondered while walking at a relatively quick pace down the streets, taking side streets and small short cuts to be in less crowded areas. 

He could have just left the annoying little squirrel boy at the party and let him get a little hangover and humiliated, what’s it to him if the fool got himself into a mess. But then he remembered how the hand of the dude-bro had lingered on the boys ass for just a little too long while steadying him. That’s why he couldn’t. He was a lot of things but if he could prevent someone from getting really hurt… he couldn't really stand by, he had never been the type to watch cruel things happen. That’s the reason he has gotten into fights and been fighting all his life. They were two different things. Godses this philosophical mood was horrible and carrying this drunk sack of sand was getting hard. He had about ten more minutes to go. 

Think of it like training, he told himself. This is a good way to get sober and get a little cardio in. The drunk boy made a noise of some sort and he thought he should check on him. They were not far anymore just walking through the park he decided to take a break and put Jisung down and sat him on a park bench. The drunk boy was still awake somehow but also trying to curl up on the park bench and go to sleep it seems. 

Minho took off his jacket and put it on the younger, pulling his arms through, like he use to for the little neighbors kids he babysat. Just think of this dumb squirrel boy like a toddler, he told himself, then you won’t yell or be angry with him because a toddler can’t help being a toddler. 

He laughed at his own thoughts and seeing Jisung squint at him and make a pouty face made him laugh harder. He said like he would for a toddler: “And up we go! Just a little more and then we gonna put you to bed and your gonna sleep real good and wake with one hell of a hangover.” he lifted the boy back onto his shoulder and the other went easily no protest or noises this time. He smiled to himself and walked the rest of the way with ease. 

When he got to his building he fished out his keys and got them both into the old hallway, it was quiet this time of night and he looked at the stairs with determination. He was gonna feel his muscles tomorrow. When they were by his door he managed to get in without hitting the annoying drunks head on anything so he was pretty proud of himself. 

He didn’t really have any other place to put the boy then his bed, his one room apartment really wasn’t meant for having guests over or anything. So he kicked off his shoes and deposited the annoying boy onto his bed. Sighing again for what seems like the thousand time that night. He proceeded to take the boys shoes off and then put them by the door and got disinfectant and a glass of water, he looked at the first aid supplies and decided to take two painkillers with him too. 

He made his way back to the boy who was just waking up it seems and looking around rubbing his eyes. Minho put the stuff he carried down on the floor and pulled the boys hands away from his eyes: “That just make them itch worse. Here take some painkillers or you wake up regretting ever being born.” he handed the younger the pills and then the glass of water. 

The weird thing was the boy was way too compliant and calm considering who he was with. Maybe he didn’t really realize what was going on which made the older worried because that meant he was too drunk to even make any reasonable judgments. Which he already knew but damn. After drinking a little of the water the boy looked at him: “I think your really weird, you look like someone I know. You look very pretty!” he smiled a dumb smile at the older and reach out his hand to touch the others cheek. 

Minho grabbed the hand and pulled it away saying: “Drink the whole glass. Come on up we go.” He lifted the glass of water back to the others lips and made him drink it all, he worried if the other may throw up or not but he hadn’t so far shown and signs of doing so. He should get a bucket just in case. As he took the now empty glass and started to stand up the boy grabbed a hold of his hand and pulled him down. 

Minho lost his balance and landed half on top of the younger boy. He let out a grunt and started getting up when the boy ran his hands full on over his ass and squeezed. What the fuck!?

He pulled away quickly and stared at the drunk annoying little squirrel dumb-ass who just smiled up at him saying: “Your so squishy, can I squish you some more?” He said that with the most innocent look on his face. That absolute asshole. 

He went and put the glass away being way more annoyed at the dumb boy and grabbed some water for himself too and quickly drank it before going to take care of the scratched on the younger. He saw the boy still lying down on his side looking at him with a dorky look. He just gonna think toddler as he pulled the boy up and into a sitting position to pull his own jacket off of him and take a look at his hands. He holds one and then takes the disinfectant and cleans off the wound carefully, not too deep. One little part started bleeding and he put a band-aid on that. The other hand didn’t bleed more which was good. 

The boy sat still for that and didn’t make a noise which he thought he would with the pain and all. As he looked at the younger’s face he looked kinda sad and determined, like this was a necessary activity he often had to take part off. That bothered him a bit. He didn’t know why.

As the hands were all clean he told the boy: “Now its time to sleep, so get under the blankets and nighty night.” As he was gathering up stuff off the floor he heard moving and the boy shuffling on the bed and then when he looked up again he saw the younger’s pants around his ankles and socks thrown to the ground. What the fuck was his actual life!? 

The dumb squirrel boy looked up at him and said: “I’m stuck. Help!” his face was so fucking adorable and didn’t fit at all with him sitting there half naked and asking for help with taking his pants off. Minho rubbed his hands over his face trying to just not be here…..Yeaa because that works. He thought hard, toddler and told the younger: “Why are you taking your pants off? You don’t need to do that, put them back on.” He didn’t touch the other tho just waited for a responds. 

Jisung looked at his ankles that had tight jeans around them and said: “But I can’t sleep with jeans, they hurt.” and he moved his legs again to get them off not thinking of using his hands for some dumb drunk reason. Of fucking course. Mihno took a hold of one foot and freed it from the jeans and then the other. He took the pants and folded them laying them on the chair next to his bed, he picked up the socks too. The annoying squirrel boy said: “Thank you. Good night sleep tight.” in a cheerful way while crawling under Minho’s winter blanked that kept him warm when he didn’t have enough money to pay for heat sometimes, on the hard months. 

It just had gotten cold outside so it wasn’t really that bad and he got his summer blanket out of the closet to crawl up on the floor next to the bed and have a tough night for his back. The most annoying squirrel boy in this world had disappeared into the blanket and wasn’t moving, so that was a relief. 

This whole night was so not worth it…going out is not worth it. No good deed ever goes unpunished so he already hated doing this but also he could somehow not regret it. He muttered what an idiot he was being while getting comfortable to be uncomfortable. 

‘’’


	2. Trust those that you have helped to help you in their turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Minho's Bday so I'm happy and celebrating him being in this world with a chapter.  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

‘’’

When he opened his eyes he was feeling too warm and wanted to get out from under his blanket so he started to move his arms only to discover that it wasn’t the blanket that made him feel too hot. It was the boy that wasn’t wearing anything but his boxers that was very much lying on top of him hands around his torso and holding on for dear life. He has his face buried in Minho’s neck and their legs where all tangled up. 

Minho stared at the ceiling thinking of praying, damn he had never but maybe its a good time to start. Give him strength! Why was that dumb boy almost naked now??!! And more importantly why was he on top of him??!!

Never mind that mystery he started to get himself out of that grip the younger had on him. In the process he discovered that the squirrel boy was actually pretty strong. Damn him. He moved the other so he could get into a sitting position and then looked down at the fast asleep drunk dumb-ass lying on the floor. His stomach was more muscular then expected and his arms seemed to get some working out of some sort. He shouldn't stare. He noticed odd bruises on the boys torso and arms tho which seemed kinda familiar, when he trained as a kid and was handled too roughly by his father he used to have bruises like that. 

That thought relating to this happy loud boy made him uncomfortable. No one should handle him roughly. The thought was somehow very persistent and he didn’t know where it had come from, he didn’t like it at all. 

He got up and lifted Jisung this time in his arms and laid him back on the bed not really looking at the boy because he felt pretty disgusted with the whole situation already. Got the blanket off the floor and put it back on him really firmly like he wanted to cage that foolish boy in so he wouldn’t move around anymore. 

He looked at his phone that sat on the floor charging and it was 5:30. He needed more sleep, three hours isn’t nearly enough. He tries his best not to think about the boys body for two reasons: the bruises and the hard on he had while waking up. Damn it wasn’t his fault, anyone who would have a almost naked hot body on them would just get one, that’s just a physical reaction. 

But it was gonna be weird glaring at the younger when they have to be in the same space in the future, knowing how he looks laying on top of him, almost naked and having held onto his waist and touched him in any way. Fuck this felt embarrassing but why should he feel embarrassed when that foolish boy was the one acting like that and creating this situation. 

He closed his eyes tightly and willed himself to sleep. 

‘’’

When he woke once more his back was in fact killing him. He stretched out and got his phone seeing it was past nine and he looked at the bundle in bed fast asleep. He needed a hot shower to get rid of this backache. He folded his blanket and put it back into the closet and went to take a shower. 

Minho didn’t wanna think how his morning was going or how fucking stupid the whole of last night had been so he just stood under the hot shower head empty, no thoughts. 

When he finally started to feel a little human again he washed his hair quickly and got out. It was one sin he committed, wasting too much water. Usually he did it in the dance studio and at school, they never ran out of hot water there. 

He put a towel around his waste and remembered he had someone in his bed so he can’t put clothes on in his room and he didn’t take any into the bathroom. So he absentmindedly towel dried his hair while walking out of the bathroom to get his clothes. 

As he stepped out he heard a gasp. He looked up and there was the squirrel boy sitting in his bed, naked chest and all, looking shocked and scared. He had that terrified expression that Minho just fucking hated and it was directed right at him. Because of course they went right back to being who they are, two people who don’t really know each other and still somehow hate one another. 

Minho went to his closet without looking at Jisung, it was bothering him to see him look like that. But as he was picking up random clothes the quiet and stuttering voice interrupted him: “Where am I? How did I get here?” he seemed like he was gonna say something else but didn’t. Minho looked at him and he looked small, holding the blanked like a shield in-front of himself and looking pale and not really daring to look Minho in the eyes. 

“Your at my apartment and I carried you here from the party.” he stated flatly and looked at the small boy who looked at the apartment then back at his hands and then at the blanket, he looked deflated and said: “Did we….I mean…was there…uh..um…like stuff…Like us…did we do something together?” that horrible sentence with not much sense absolutely fucking offended Minho. 

Minho put his clothes down on the bed and sat down in front of the younger. Jisung flinched away and his grip tightened on the blanket he was holding. Minho took a deep breath and looked at the scared face of a boy he didn’t care to hate: “Do you think I am that horrible of a person? Did you think that all the rumors are true? Is that it, is that why you always stare at me like I killed your puppy? And now you think I’m some scum of a rapist that would sleep with a person who is so out of it that they can’t walk and don’t even remember anything the next morning. Is that who you believe your friends chose to be friends with?” 

He didn’t have to say it like that or put all of that out there but for god sake how many times will people just go on and think he would do just about anything. Well this one thing he needs to make clear. He stares at the boys eyes and meets them: “You were very drunk and my phone was dead so I couldn't get you home. You lost your hoodie somewhere and I don’t know where. You took your own clothes off and slept in my bed alone. You fell on your ass trying to run into a wall while going home. And the only one here who got inappropriately touched was me when I was taking care of you.” he stated all of that flatly while staring into Jisung’s eyes.

The other boys expression went from scared to confused to mortified. And he shrank in on himself and wanted to look away but at least he had enough spine to let the other finish talking before he did. 

Then the younger mumbled: “Sorry, I don’t think that of you. I just…it just…You know when you wake up somewhere and you don’t remember and you can’t find your clothes…and …and” he wandered off without finishing the sentence and Minho sighed, he did have a point, that was a good reason to be terrified and he did understand the boys confusion. They really didn’t know each other well. He will try, he told himself, just try to be kinder. 

“Yea I get it. I didn’t mean to be harsh. You just woke up and your head must be killing you. How about you put your clothes on, their on the chair next to the bed while I do the same in the bathroom and then we can talk some more but rest assured your didn’t get no dicking, just carried around a lot.” he had to add the last part, argh how was that being kind….Well he thought that was as good as it was gonna get.

Minho picked up his clothes and walked briskly to the bathroom. 

He dressed really quickly but the other may take longer so he used the time to brush his teeth. After it felt like a bit of time had past he opened the door and stepped into the room seeing Jisung sitting on the bed that he had made and looking very worried. Oh my - all of this was just going so wonderfully.

When Minho got into the room the other looked up expectantly like he wanted to know what now. He seemed way more subdued and scared still, his annoying loud self seemed a impossibility looking at that boy now.

Minho walked to his tiny makeshift kitchen and put the kettle on and threw some rice into the rice-cooker. Then he filled a glass with water and walked over to the younger handing him the water. Jisung looked up at him and said thank you real quietly again. Damn this was bothering him, the scared squirrel thing. He named him squirrel because of his ridicules cute hyper-ness not because he looked like a scared little animal sometimes. 

“Did you find your phone? I couldn’t seem to find it yesterday.” Minho asked casually while taking stuff out of the fridge, he thought he make it til at least Monday with the food he had but guess not considering unexpected mouth to feed, he couldn't just not give the squirrel boy any food, he was probably feeling like shit and food would help with that. 

He can just throw the things together and make kimchi fried rice, did he have eggs…yea he had two left, perfect. While he was thinking and doing stuff in the kitchen he didn’t notice that Jisung had walked up to him, holding the glass the water use to be in out to him, looking at him with wide eyes: “Thank you. For not just the water. I have my phone, it’s just out of battery. I be getting out of your hair then…” he awkwardly combed a hand through his hair while looking at his feet. 

Minho was really tired all of a sudden of this noisy boy acting like a different person. Well he wasn’t gonna let this just stand: “Then charge your phone, you will need it going home. There is a charger by the bed. Also I’m making breakfast, so you get the bowls and glasses out of the cupboard and find some chopsticks from the bag on the counter.”

Minho ordered him around because he knew, he himself liked clear instructions when he felt scared or lost, it gave one something to do. The younger seem to be doing just as he was told. Minho chopped the kimchi and threw it into the pan, he felt how hungry he was all of a sudden. He used almost all he had left, well fuck it. 

As Jisung knelt to retrieve the bowls there was only one cupboard in the kitchen, so it was easy to find, he looked around where to go with them, Minho laugh at how cute his face was in that instant. He pointed at the low table by the window and said: “Drag the table to the middle of the room.” and just kept on cooking. He added the rice.

Jisung nodded and went ahead with getting the stuff all ready. Minho found that at least now he seemed focused on something, that was good. He took his french press out and made some coffee for them both because that seemed like a good idea. He hoped the squirrel could survive black coffee because he had nothing to put in it. He got the sugar out just because he thought that boy would like sweet things for sure.

He cracked the eggs and after that poured the coffee into two cups. He carried the cups to the table where Jisung was sitting by and just looking at him with a bit of an d’aww expression. He handed the coffee over and the table looked like something homey which was weird and nostalgic all at the same time. He never ate like that anymore. 

He got the rest of the stuff and put the pan on the table so they both could take stuff from it also he went and got the radish salad he had found that still seemed eatable and some bean sprouts. This seemed like a proper breakfast to him. He was kinda proud of himself. 

He sat down and offered the boy sugar for his coffee with a small smile: “Sorry there’s no milk. Well enjoy the food.” He said while picking up his chopsticks and starting to get stuff. Jisung just stared at him for a bit and said: “Thank you for the food.” and then started eating too. 

The kimchi rice was tasty and Minho ate happily while checking on the other boy every once in a while. He hadn’t gotten too much food so Minho put some stuff from the side dishes into his bowl. The other lifted his head and stared at him and then smiled, really sweetly. Damn he was pretty like that. 

Minho just smile back saying: “You should eat properly then your head won’t hurt as much. See you making me sound like some old uncle lecturing the youth.” he laughed at himself and heard the other laugh just a little too. 

This shit was getting domestic. He snickered to himself and took a huge swing of coffee. He needed the boy to be ok and he seemed more like himself, so that was something. Good deed for the day or month or something.

Minho looked out the window and it seemed grey and bleak and the dumb boy was wearing just a thin shirt. Sighing he got up and went to his closet to get his black hoodie, the one with the soft inside. That would keep him warm for sure. 

He went back to the table and sat down handing the hoodie to the younger boy: “Your gonna freeze if you walk home in that. If you live in the dorms it be an 35 minute walk for sure.” he gave that as a reasonable explanation. He had already put so much effort into the boys survival may as well make sure that the last stretch won’t kill him. 

He stuffed his face with food and felt the other trying to muffle his laughter and then bursting out in it anyway. Yea that was the annoying ass squirrel he vaguely knew. 

“You just acting like your the peak of mom-friendness. I can’t, the scariest person I ever met in my life is more of a mom then my own mom.” he held the hoodie to his chest and laughs loudly and Minho thought that was a strange way to put it but the older always treated his two and only friends, like that. 

So Minho shrugged and let it be. They finished up eating and Jisung insisted on doing the dishes so the older packed his bag because he had work this afternoon so he needed to step out the door soon to get there on time. 

As the younger finished with the dishes he put the hoodie on and looked just adorable in it. His sweater paws were the cutest thing in this world, thought Minho and then wanted to hit himself. 

“I’m going to work anyway so I walk you out. Here.” Minho handed the younger his phone and pulled his bag over his shoulder making his way to the door. 

They walked out and down the stairs and when they got outside it was indeed cold. Minho turned to say goodbye and before he could speak he had a head full of fluffy hair in his face and a squirrel boy hugging him. What now?! He thought while patting the other awkwardly.

Jisung spoke into the hug saying: “You really went out of your way in helping me and you really don’t know how grateful I am. I hope that we can talk to each other the next time we in the same space and maybe I can even be less annoying so you could maybe consider me as a friend.”

He finished talking pulled away and while waving started running down the street, away from the older. 

What a weirdo, thought Minho while smiling to himself and walking in the other direction. 

‘’’


	3. We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know people do need betas...I realize that now but I still be dying like a man...Oh well then. This is the squirrels perspective and so will be the next chapter. 
> 
> I hope your all healthy and doing ok. All the love your way!

‘’’

Jisung was convinced he will have a break through today as the day was going so great so far. He got top marks on his group project and even praise from the lecturer. Then his classmate who he did the project with, who he didn’t ever talk to before it, invited him to come out and celebrate their great achievement. 

He was a real popular nice guy who was liked by all and super handsome to boot so Jisung felt like maybe he could make a friend outside of his usual group, that lately just seem to be - well, not really taking much of his shit well. It was probably because it was midterms and everyone was stressed and people got tired of him easier it seemed. At least his friends were spending less time with him so off course that was the explanation as to why. 

He knew that he could be a lot sometimes. That his personality combined with his hyper-ness and his inevitable low moods, made him sometimes not anyone's favorite person. That’s why he got bullied a lot in middle school before he found his forever friends as he calls them. He smiled to himself. Yea, they just stressed, that is why his running to the dance studio right now with healthy candies and canned coffee at hand to cheer his friends on. 

He got three of each just in case Minho would want any too. He really didn’t want to offend the other in any way…they were already walking a tight rope every day to be in the same space without anything bad happening. While at first Jisung was just confused and afraid of Minho’s death glares and indifferent towards him, then now he tried his very best to just stay far away and be polite because Lix and Hyunjin liked him so much. They praised their hyung to high heavens. 

So that’s why Jisung should make the effort to be polite despite feeling sometimes like the other was trying to skin him alive with his looks and maybe size him up for a pot to boil in. He shudders. He can’t think like that, maybe he was just thinking of math or his homework, that would make anyone look like they want to murder someone, who knows. 

As he was rounding the corner and already going down the corridor to the right practice room a group of three past him muttering among themselves: “How the hell can the others stand Lee Knows pace, I’m like dying, his working everyone way too hard. Also like did you see his glares today, like I don’t care what people say but damn I think if you piss him off he really may kill someone.” 

Jisung didn’t pay that no mind and walked to the door that was left ajar probably by the people who just left. He paused to knock and heard Hyunjin’s voice loud and clear saying: “Hyung, why is it such a big deal to come and hang out at my place? Is it because Jisung will be there too?” he said it in a whiny tone and seem to be waited for the other to reply and then just went on when no answer came. 

“Why is it that you fine with Lix’s obnoxious cheerfulness and with Changbin-hyung acting all cute and horribly cringy. But when it comes to Jisung you just don’t even remotely give him a chance?” 

Jisung took in a sharp breath and kinda wanted to run away because he definitely wasn’t supposed to hear this conversation, but damn he was very curious to actually know the answer since he would never dare ask the question himself. 

And then he heard Lee Knows voice calm and clear: “Because neither Lix nor Binnie annoy me. But that boy, you are for some reason friends with, is absolutely annoying and I can’t help but to feel like I want to go jump off a bridge or throw him off, which ever comes first, every time he starts talking.” 

He continued in the same tone calm and steady: “If you can tell me, Hyunjin, that he never has annoyed the living shit out of you in your entire friendship, I be right there bringing the snacks and sitting on your couch?”

There was a pause and then Hyunjin laughed a bit awkwardly: “Fair enough, he can be a lot sometimes. I guess he isn’t for everyone but like think about giving it at least a shot sometimes. I can give you ear plugs or something?” Felix joined in with: “Jinnie don’t be mean. Jisung is amazing and you are just as annoying.” the two of them seem to laugh and talk some more but Jisung couldn’t really hear it.

He didn’t really want to go in there anymore. So he just hung the bag with snacks onto the practice room door-handle and walked away fast. He texted Lix that he left some snacks when he was out of the building and then he looked at the invite from the nice guy he barely knew and send a ‘yes sure, I be there’ text his way.

‘’’

He put his one Supreme t-shirt on and his newest hoodie and the tightest black jeans he possessed. He even combed some mousse through his hair and threw some basic make up on. He looked as good as he ever had in his own opinion. 

He didn’t really know the place the party was at. It was a pretty rich neighborhood and he was just going to try and be as normal and un-annoying as he could. Maybe make a new friend and forget that even the best of his friends didn’t really like him.

As he was heading out he thought about telling Felix or Hyunjin were he was going. But they were busy with the gaming tournament anyway so why should he be more of a bother to them. 

He headed for the bus. He fidgeted when he realized he be there an hour later then his classmate said the thing starts. But then again parties never really start on time. As he was looking for the right place the houses seem too big to be for just one family. He got to the right address and there were stairs leading to the front door so he just took a breath and braced himself for interacting with almost strangers. 

He rang the bell and it took a bit before the door was pulled open by a very pretty girl in a tight dress and a huge smile on her face. She looked at him intensely and said: "Yes?" 

Jisung was flustered, he didn't expected to have to explain why he was here or who he was to someone. But he manage to summon up his bravado: "Have I arrived in heaven because it sure feels like an angel is smiling down at me." he cringed at his own cheesiness but smiled through it. 

She laughed hardily and opened the door more: "Aren't u something. You must be one of Kihyun's friends. Come in! There's refreshments in the dining room and I have no idea where anyone at, so don't ask me."

She gestured towards a pretty big room, half full of people who all seemed entirely unfamiliar. She on the other hand seemed somewhat familiar, like he seen her on campus or sat far away from her in a class once or something of the kind. Jisung stepped inside still smiling at her and thanking her for the very odd welcome. She swiftly turned on her heel and waved bye at him walking up the staircase in the foyer.

He walked through the room aiming to find the dining room just to have something to do and somewhere to go. As he walked to the small crowd he felt like someone was glaring at him but he didn’t see were it was coming from. Just the feeling of a cat running over your back. 

As he reached the table with a multitude of hard liquor he was kinda surprised. This was definitely different from what he ever had with his friends, mainly beers and some soju. But he was determent to fit in today, be a part of who ever the people here were, become someone likable. And if that meant filling a cup with some brown burning liquor then he just has to get used to that. 

As he managed to get a his cup half full regretting the hard pour but not gonna throw it out either he turned and saw Kihyun standing just by the entrance to the kitchen talking to a girl. As the older boy turned his head and saw Jisung he smiled and told the girl something and started walking over. Jisung was surprised that the other would immediately turn his attention towards him. So out of nervousness he took a big gulp of his drink and of course couched horribly because he didn’t expect the burn and bitterness.

Kihyun reached him and looked worried at him trying to pat his back. While Jisung recovered he felt heat rise in his cheeks and he wanted to play it off so he looked up and laughed saying: “Went down the wrong pipe. How are you?” and he took another drink concentrating real hard to swallow it without showing anything on his face. 

The other boy smiled and said: “I’m so glad you came. I really didn’t know if this was at all your scene.” Kihyun was a head taller then Jisung so he looked down at the others face and they were still standing pretty close. Jisung thought the older boy looked really handsome. Then he took another drink because he didn’t want the other to think his staring. 

“I just haven’t had time to hang out at all with the end of semester and first year, just getting the hang of it and all.” he thought that was pretty reasonable for an excuse why they never been to the same events. Kihyun just hummed and nodded and took the bottle from the table and poured some into his own cup then leaning towards Jisung: “It seems you need some more.” and Jisung just looks at him with wide eyes because they too close now and nods along.

“You always seem like a cool person, I guess the first year stress just got to you huh. But all the big projects are done and we can finally relax so tell me a little about yourself? You mentioned you loved making music.”

The older sounded so genuinely interested that Jisung relaxed a bit and just started talking about what his been doing in the studio and how cool it was that they got to book the studio in the time frame from 7 in the morning til midnight. He had never thought you could just sit in a studio and do the thing you love at all hours when humanly possible.

While he chatted away finally forgetting about the bad day he had and how he felt he kept sipping his drink that seemed less bad with every sip. It was soothing by the third cup…going down easy. And Kihyun seemed to actually want to know what he said, he kept asking questions about technical aspects and how the younger finds inspiration and the conversation was just as easy as it use to be with his friends when they were vibing just in the right way.

All of a sudden there was a arm thrown over Kihyun’s shoulder and three equally tall boys were standing all around them. Kihyun while first startled just smiled when he saw who it was and threw the arm off himself.

“So you found someone more interesting then us to play with huh? Are your own mates so boring that you hide from us? We wanted to play a game and need a forth.” The guys all wore really nice brands and seemed like they belonged in a house like this, thought Jisung while looking down at his worn sneakers.

Kihyun smiled at him and said: “Lets all play then. This is my friend Jisung from the international law class. The one who did super well for a first year.”

The guy who had his arm around Kihyun and looked like a beefcake made a surprised expression: “We have a genius among us huh. Come on then lets see how many brain-cells we can manage to kill tonight.” he laughed loudly and dragged Kihyun to the living room where Jisung just passed through before. There were more people now. He didn’t really know how long he had talked with the older, time had flown while their where in their own little bubble. 

They had cups set up on a table by the wall. As they got closer it seemed the cups had different types of liquor in them. Jisung was a bit worried but Kihyun seemed to be smiling and getting along well with the guys so it seemed like it be fine. He needed to relax and just have fun.

The game was super dumb and if you didn’t know the answers to some weird ass trivia questions you had to drink. It had mostly to do with sports or gaming and Jisung wasn’t really a sports guy. He had played the same two games for the past two years so he wasn’t very up to date there either. 

He felt loopy and too warm so he threw his hoodie on a chair and continued enthusiastically trying and failing to answer anything right. There where some cups that were another color and if you got one you had to drink it in a weird position. 

While he was trying his best and felt like they were getting along and laughing together the girl who talked to Kihyun before showed up and before he knew it the only person he knew here had just waved a hand and left. 

He tried to not dwell on it and think too hard, its not like it was because he got tired of him or he proved to be just as annoying as his friends had said.

So he lost another round and was supposed to stand on one leg bend over and hold one arm up and turn his head to drink but he poured most of it on his face and the floor and fell on his ass trying to not fall on his face. He started laughing way too hard when he landed and then he saw he still had half a cup so he should get up and try again. 

It was super hard to get up tho. Then a big arm went around his waist and he was lifted to his feet. The laughter of the others seemed now more at him then with him somehow. The beefcake was pouring his cup full again telling him he has to do it again til he gets it. And the arm on his waist had moved lower. 

He felt something cold in the pit of his stomach some sort of warning that was muffled by his drunk brain. As he was trying to figure out why it didn’t feel the same anymore he heard a familiar voice sounding annoyed and telling him he was supposed to be somewhere else. 

He felt someone else holding him close and thought hard, did he forgot about Hyunjin waiting for him? Was he really wanted by his friends? The thought was interrupted by being dragged along and then he heard the person laugh and looked up and into Minho’s eyes startling at who was holding him and trying to stumble away. 

As he did he lost his balance and found himself even closer to the person who got him into this emotional mess to begin with and he was afraid of what he would say now that he was even more annoying to him, drunk and in disarray… He didn’t want to cry in front of the other. 

As tears were about to form the older just adjusted his grip and then casually insulted him and that seemed at least something normal. And he heard his friends names and how they do care about him, enough to want him safe. And the thought made him calm down and feel how heavy everything was and he just let himself be pulled closer and along with what ever was to come. He didn’t much care. So he closed his eyes.

‘’’

Jisung felt like he had been run over by a bus. As he tried to move a little, he ached all over. His back and ass hurt and his head was dully aching at him. His mouth felt like a wet dog moved in and had puppies. 

Then he became more aware that he was not in his bed, it didn’t feel as soft and he didn’t have his many pillows. He shot upright immediately regretting doing so. He held his head with his hand forming a silent ow.

As he looked at the room he was in, it was entirely unfamiliar. And he looked at himself and he didn’t have his shirt on…as he moved the blanked he saw he was in his boxers. He didn’t see were his clothes were. His hands hurt. And he was beginning to feel dread rising at the back of his throat. Where was he at? What had happened? 

He can only remember the drinking game and then feeling like something was off. Is this really his life, so pathetic that he ends up losing his virginity and not ever remembering it?!

He knows that that is something else but he doesn’t want to think that so he just looks around realizing there is the sound of a shower going and then stopping. The someone in whom’s hands his fate is was going to come out that door any second and some small part of him hoped just a little bit that maybe it is Kihyun and he just took him to his place. 

And just then a half naked Minho walked out of the bathroom drying his hair and looking very much like something out of someones wet dream. Jisung gasped. He didn’t know what he did in his past life to deserve this cruel twist of fate. He was just gonna have to go and jump off a cliff.

‘’’


	4. The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had four teeth removed yesterday so this is unedited. I can't keep me eyes open for long enough. Sending love your way!

‘’’

Jisung just stared for what felt like forever. Minho looked grumpy and also too beautiful to bear. He tried not to look at the others naked chest it felt weird and also he really had no idea what to say now. Was he supposed to act like he remembered and was cool with what ever happened between them or should he just tell the truth, that he had no idea what was going on.

As he was worriedly wondering what to do, the older just casually moved to the closet and turned his back on him like he didn’t care that the other was even there. 

Jisung just couldn’t take the uncertainty so he was just gonna be honest about not knowing anything. As he looked at his hands he noticed his chest was just as bare as the others and he pulled the blanket up in front of himself feeling vulnerable and exposed all of a sudden. 

He started to speak and his own voice came out so tiny and quiet as he said: “Where am I? How did I get here?” he stopped before he could say what he really wanted to know. 

When the older looked at him Jisung just wanted to look at anything else so he looked at the apartment while the other said how he gotten there. Carried?! He was really being carried by a person who doesn’t like him one bit and he didn’t really understand the reason for it. The other spoke so harshly and it made him more nervous when he finally tried to spit out what he wondered since opening his eyes in this foreign place. 

He needed to just get it out somehow so he would know, he can handle it if he just knows what happened. As he managed to stutter out some sort of sentence that maybe made enough sense to be understood he dared a quick glance at the older and he looked pissed. Like totally angry. Which made Jisung tense up hard. 

As the other came closer and sat down Jisung expected some sort of hit or outburst and flinched away. Minho looked really angry and annoyed at him maybe because he dare presume the other would want to ever touch him in anyway or the gay part of it or really just because he was being annoying again. 

Then the older sighed and looked at him intensely speaking calmly and what he said while calm still left a pretty big impact…Was Jisung being guided by rumors and his own prejudice against the other? He after all didn’t really know him and he made a good point of his friends judgment on picking who they chose to be friends with. They wouldn’t be friends with the older if he truly were that much of a psycho as the rumors make him out to be. 

The older also made clear what he thought on sleeping with drunk people too, which kinda came as a relief to Jisung because he really didn’t want to lie to himself what that would have meant to him, if something had happened. 

Minho moved to catch his eyes and told him in a flat tone everything that he really couldn’t remember for the life of him. And as he spoke, Jisung felt kinda confused because he never blacked out before and then embarrassed because the other said he had touched him some how. Which made him feel super awkward and worried about the other judging him and he looked away trying to hide from that gaze the older had focused on him.

He needed to apologies for being so inclined to believe the absolute worst of the other at least to be able to not run every time he saw the other ever again but also he needed to explain why he felt that way. Why it was important to ask…and he kept stuttering which felt so wrong and dumb. Probably made him seem dumb too. 

Minho was sitting so close and he let out a deep breath and told him words he never thought he hear the other say. He was so surprised at how the other basically apologies too and told him he got it and even showed concern for his well being which wow. Then he said the word “dicking” and Jisung looked down and blushed like some kid. 

Then the other just left for the bathroom and he was sitting in Minho’s bed, alone. Weirded out by his life right now. And he didn’t know if or what the two of them had to talk about but he was gonna just have to get through the awkward mess he got himself into and not be any more of a bother to the older. How did the other even care enough to take care of him he wondered…like yesterday morning if someone asked him what he thinks Minho would do if he sees him dead drunk in a ditch he would have said: He laugh and walk away.

He started putting his clothes on that were neatly folded on the chair and thought how wrong he was on his opinion of the other. The older may not like him but he seemed to be genuinely a good person to still take care of him when he saw he was in trouble. 

He looked down at the bed and thought he should clean up his mess. Then he looked around the tiny apartment noticing for the first time that it was quite old and a bit cold here. He sat on the bed because he didn’t want to snoop around and he didn’t really know where he was exactly in town so he needed to at least ask this before making his journey home. 

He was glad to discover that his phone was in his tight ass jeans pocked and even tho it was dead it was still there. He didn’t really want to ask his family for any more money then his allowance was because that meant talking to them. He fidgeted while waiting and when the door opened he looked at the older wondering if he should do something or say something…maybe thank the other. 

But before he had made up his mind Minho went to the tiny kitchen area and just seem to act like Jisung wasn’t even there. Which maybe meant he should just leave. As he was getting ready to just trudge to the door and quietly get out of there, a glass of water was trust before him by the older. He looked at the older, surprised and thanked him in a tiny voice. 

Minho just went back to doing what ever it was he was doing in the kitchen and Jisung, while he was sipping the water discovered he felt really thirsty and drank the whole thing in one go. He felt so weird just sitting there and he felt deeply that he had overstayed any welcome there was to begin with. 

So he got up and quietly went to the kitchen area not really knowing how but needing to thank the other. Minho not seeming to notice him, head in the small fridge asked about his phone. It felt odd like a normal casual conversation that friends would have. 

Jisung just stood close by with the glass in stretched out hands waiting for the other to turn around and as he did he said: “Thank you. For not just the water. I have my phone, it’s just out of battery. I be getting out of your hair then…” as he said so the other looked exasperated and told him to go charge his phone and also gave him instructions to get stuff for breakfast and Jisung was so taken aback by the concept that he just went along with it.

Why was the other acting so normal and friendly all of a sudden, despite what expressions he made all his deeds seemed friendly and caring and it just kinda blew the younger’s mind that the person he always feared, just a little when he was honest with himself, actually wasn’t anything like he made him out to be in his head. 

He put his phone on the chair to charge and looked to the kitchen seeing only one cupboard and it was right next to the older so he just went and knelt down to open it and found what he was looking for easily but now that he turned and looked at the small apartment he didn’t really see where the things should go there wasn’t a kitchen table or anything. 

He heard the laugh and as he looked at Minho he felt like this wasn’t real because how could the other look so adorable while telling him to get the low table by the window. Damn this was some other dimension he has fallen into, were Minho laughs in his presents and is cooking breakfast for them both. 

Jisung got all the stuff on the table ready and not knowing what else to do just sat down by it. Then the older came and handed him a warm mug smelling of coffee. This little thing, a mug of coffee warmed Jisung’s heart way too much. He felt like he may melt and developed a soft spot in his heart that had the name Minho on it. 

He shook his head at his dumb brain being extra and looked at the older as he brought a pan with kimche fried rice over and two side dishes and it looked more homey then anything he seen in a long while. The feeling of someone cooking for him and sitting down to eat with him, when was the last time he felt that way…maybe as a kid at his grandparents house.

And then Minho handed him sugar apologizing for not having milk. Jisung suppressed a smile hard. This was a very different world then he was use to. And then he was in aw of the food and how surprisingly yummy it was. He didn’t really thing he could eat with the nerves and hangover he was feeling but he did like the other boys cooking a little too much.

And then he saw chopstick lifting stuff into his bowl and he looked at Minho and he couldn’t help but smile. The sweetness was getting to him and even if he annoyed the other he didn’t care anymore. He felt so oddly warm.

And then the older smiled right back at him and made some funny remark about hangovers and they laughed together. He didn’t think the sound of Minho’s laugh would be so beautiful to him. He didn’t really believe he would ever laugh together with the other. This new world he seems to be living in know is so much nicer then he expected. 

And as he was eating his delicious home cooked food and sipping his sweet coffee the older suddenly got up and went to his closet. Jisung stared at first but try to just concentrate on eating and not make it weird again. And then Minho returned and trust a hoodie at him. It was black and he seen the other wear it on a few occasions. 

Then the explanation followed in a weirdly petulant but sweet manner and Jisung did everything he could not to burst a blood vessel trying to hold his laughter but he ended up laughing way too hard and falling over hugging the floor. 

He knew he said to much in his weird joy of finding out that Minho, who everyone feared for what ever reason, was a mom-friend. 

He shouldn’t have said that he found the other scary…but then again that was pretty obvious. But he really hoped the other would ignore the mom comment and thankfully he seem to. He just stuffed his face with amused expression and Jisung was kinda glad he had put it there. 

As they finished eating he insisted on doing the dishes because the other had cooked and also it was only polite. And Minho was packing his stuff while Jisung took the hoodie he was given and put it on, discovering its fluffy inside and warm. It felt like something he would pick for himself, just a little too big or a lot and comfy as hell. 

He looked up and saw Minho looking at him with a expression he never thought he ever direct at him…it looked like fondness. 

They walked out together and the silence between them wasn’t so uncomfortable anymore. When they got on the street it was cool out and Jisung felt warm in his borrowed clothes. He also felt the warmth in his heart so he wanted to express it…with out thinking on it too hard, because if he would have he never done it, he hugged the older. He held on to him real tight and felt how the other lifted a arm to pat his back. So he said his thanks while he didn’t have to look the other in the eyes and as soon as that was done let go and ran off waving bye.

He felt like a daring fool for giving a offer of friendship but he couldn’t help but want it. To be friends with a person who would take that good care of someone they didn’t even like, he must be a really amazing person to have as a friend. 

As Jisung walked the long way back to the dorms, not hurrying or caring much about the weather he had many thoughts. Most of them revolved around the words he heard Minho say about him and how the other acted when faced with him. Was one of them maybe a lie? But which one and why? It didn’t make much sense to him given how straight forward the other seemed to be about what he was thinking or feeling.

As he reached the campus he thought of checking his phone and found 25 unread messages from Hyunjin and 10 missed calls. Also Felix had send him a dozen and even a few messages from Changbin. 

He swears, he forgot that he had stormed off last night without telling Hyunjin where he was going or for how long. He never went anywhere without telling him or leaving a note. And he sure wasn’t one to party and stay out all night. He probably never gone to a party without Hyunjin. 

He was upset with Hyunjin’s words sure but they usually just talked about it and got over themselves since they big fights as freshmen in high school they been best friends sticking to each other no matter what. They haven’t really fought since then. 

And they had really worked hard to be able to go to the same university and share a dorm. They wanted to do this together and not even Felix and Hyunjin being friends with Minho had made them fight. Although Jinnie had asked if Jisung was uncomfortable with him being friends with someone who kept glaring at Jisung like he wanted to flay him. Jisung didn’t want to make a fuss about it so he said he is completely fine and not everyone will like him. Wouldn’t be the first time probably won’t be the last. 

Although Jinnie still kept a eye out for any interaction and tried his best to smooth the waters and keep them either away from each other or find ways to bring them together which was probably what he was trying to do at the studio when Jisung overheard them talking. 

So now he had to face the music of his upset friends he made worry because he had his feelings hurt. He really didn’t wanna. He pushed the call button anyway. It rang exactly twice before a out of breath Hyunjin answered. 

“Hey, its me.” Jisung said quietly and with a hung head, like a puppy waiting to be scolded.

“Fuck. So you’re still alive. Where are you right now? What happened? Why was your phone dead? Did you meet your family?” Hyunjin just kept throwing questions at him and he seemed genuinely upset and why wouldn’t he. Jisung sighed, he felt like crap.

“I be at the dorm in like 5 min. My phone died and i wasn’t able to charge it til like half an hour ago and no I didn’t see my family. I be there soon and then I explain. Ok?” he needed a minute to get his head straight and think if he should just tell the truth or not. Lying to Jinnie didn’t feel right. 

“Yea ok, I’m waiting for you.” he hung up and that already seemed very promising for Jisung’s future and said lots on Jinnie’s anger level. 

‘’’


	5. I do not trust words I even question actions but I never doubt patterns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost a little bit of motivation writing this for a bit but then I remembered how much I like them characters already living in my head and I made a chapter.   
> Hope your doing ok and stay safe!

‘’’

Jisung walked slower then before thinking hard on what to tell Hyunjin about the entire night and why he went to the party alone to begin with, which would mean saying he heard them talk about him in the dance studio and he was upset about it. It be otherwise hard to explain running off alone without letting any of them know.

He could say he forgot to tell them or it was so last minute, that seemed out of character for him tho and then he would feel weird about the lie, how ever white it may be. He sighed and look up at his dorm building. Time flies when you don’t want it to. 

He used his key-card and slugged his way to the elevator. He was just gonna say what ever seemed right, probably the truth and Jinnie would be maybe a little angry but he will get over himself and Jisung does know how to apologies by now. He has learned that slowly during his years of friendship with Jinnie. 

He starts to open the door when its pulled open in front of his face and a wide eyed Hyunjin is looking him up and down and pulling him into the room by his arm. 

The other closes the door and proceeds in stepping right into his personal space and trying to lift up his hoodie, well Minho’s hoodie. Jisung grabs Hyunjin’s hands and holds them in-between them. 

“What do you think your doing?” he asks really dumbfound, staring at Jinnie’s face like he has grown a new head. Hyunjin just looked like this was completely normal and the other was being the weird one. 

“I’m just trying to make sure your actually ok and I need to see it for myself because you would never really come out and say shit went down. So just lift your shirt and then we good and can go from here.” he explained that like that was a regular thing which may have happened when they were still in high school but that was only like when Jinnie found out by lifting his shirt and seeing his bruises. He hadn’t done it since and in Jisung’s opinion Hyunjin seem to be overreacting. 

Jisung stepped back a little and said: “I told you I didn’t meet them. It was something else that happened yesterday. I’m sorry i worried you and made you believe the worse.” he gave his best kicked puppy eyes at Jinnie and knew very well that he had a fifty fifty chance of it working. 

Hyunjin crossed his arms and looked kinda angry at him saying: “So what did happen yesterday that you were just gone off the face of the earth not to be reached? Making all of us worry that you been kidnapped by evildoers or lying somewhere in a ditch dying from blood loss.”

Jisung rolled his eyes at the dramatics but he loved Jinnie for it and they both knew that. He couldn’t really tell all of what happened to the other boy, he thought, but he had to just let Jinnie know some of the truth and what ever happens happens. 

“I was upset. So I went to a party a classmate invited me to. And I got too drunk and then ended up spending the night at someones house. And my phone died somewhere in the middle of all of that.”

Hyunjin stared at him with his mouth hanging open looking dumb. Shaking his head and saying: “Wait…wait you went to a party? Alone? And got wasted? And went and spend the night with some stranger? Like what do you mean like crashed in someones couch or crashed with someone??” he sounded laser focused, like this is the most important interrogation of his life. And Jisung was kinda expecting questions so he just sighed and sat down on his bed, pulling his legs to his chest.

Hyunjin moved to sit right next to him staring at him. Waiting. And Jisung just looked at him and then fiddled with his borrowed hoodies sweater paws. 

“I came to the studio yesterday and you know, heard you talk…about me.” he didn’t look at Hyunjin and the other moved a little closer and said: “I thought you just leaving stuff on the door was weird and Felix said its sweet and stuff but you heard what Minho-hyung said about you huh?” he was scratching his knee and looking at it instead of Jisung when saying that like he knew it wasn’t only Minho he must have heard speak. 

“Yea and it did hurt my feelings and yea I was upset about it. And yea I felt like a annoying burden to you all and all the anxiety fueled horribleness my brain could throw at me. So of course the solution was to go with strangers to a strange place and drink lots.”

Jinnie laid a hand on Jisung’s knee and looked at him properly: “I’m sorry. You know I don’t mean that. I care about you and want you around.” Jisung laid his hand on Jinnie’s and held it reassuringly.

“Occasionally I am self aware even if it is only in retrospect but hei small wins. I was being dumb and I know you don’t really think that about me. But yea I was kinda spiraling down the rabbit hole and couldn’t make myself stop.” he knew his patterns by now but he always had had Hyunjin to stabilize him when it was hard for many years now, so it was weird for him when the one making him so upset was his safety net of a person. 

“What happened? Do you remember? Was there anything dangerous? Were you at that classmates place or?” a concerned Jinnie threw questions at him and he was looking worriedly at his own hands not knowing if he should or shouldn’t mention Minho…if the other wanted anyone to even know. 

Hyunjin on the other hand put his own thoughts into that pause and mumble yelled: “Did someone do something mean or you don’t remember? Because you know I can go and beat someones ass, well I can try maybe with Changbin’s help.” he said the last part like he was thinking hard about the logistics of beating some stranger up in all seriousness. 

Jisung just had to laugh at how good of a friend this dork was and he threw his arms around Jinnie and hugged him tight. Which the other returned but when pulling away looked still worried:

“Seriously, please tell me. You know you can trust me. So don’t hide stuff from me please.” he said it all quiet and serious. Pretty unlike his usually seemingly carefree persona. 

“Ok. There was this classmate I had the introduction to Internationale law project with, you know the nice dude bro.” Hyunjin nodded along motioning for the other to continue.

“He and his friends were having a party at someones fancy house and I went there just to try to not be myself for one evening. And having a conversation with him was actually good and we kind had a good vibe going and he did pour me a few drinks but I didn’t really mind. But then his friends showed up and they were much more dude bro then him. And we started playing some dumb drinking game…”

He sighed at how stupid he was for wanting to keep the bond he had made with Kihyun going even if it meant doing some shit he definitely shouldn’t.

Jinnie was still all focused on him, not interrupting just waiting. So Jisung decided to share all his dumbness with his dear friend: “So I got into the game for some stupid reason and then when I was already in kinda weird warm and everything is funny mode, Kihyun just left with someone. And I didn’t know what else to do but keep going…”

In retrospect Jisung felt like slapping his past selves head for being just so stupidly needy and having a fawning response when panicked and being socially anxious on top of that all at the same time, so of course he couldn’t just say bye and just leave. 

“There was too much drinks poured and I remember them laughing a lot and at some point I felt like they were laughing at me. And I fell over, I remember that and I wanted to leave.” he took a deep breath in and thought about how to put the next part. Hyunjin sat there wide eyed waiting for him to tell the other what ever may have happened next.

“Then well I woke up with a horrible headache in someones bed, alone. In my underwear.” Jisung held his head just thinking how awkward the entire first interaction with Minho was and how he felt like yeeting himself out the window from just thinking about the conversation they had. 

Hyunjin on the other hand gasped and held his hands over his mouth looking shocked. And then Jisung realized Jinnie was thinking the same thing he did when waking up. He started to shake his head and waved his arms around saying: “No, no. Nothing happened. I was just so drunk that someone took me to their place and put me to bed.”

Jinnie looked a little skeptical but asked: “Someone as in that friend of your’s, what was it…Kihyun?” and Jisung looked at his hands and out the window and was just feeling conflicted about revealing this weirdness. 

He muttered: “Minho…it was Minho.” And Hyunjin stretched into his space leaning on his knees and asked: “Did you say Minho….Like in our hyung Minho, from the dancing studio Minho….The Minho who said just yesterday he rather do almost anything then hang out with you….That one?” his face was all in aw and questioning Hannie’s sanity and well being.

“Yea that one.” he pushed Jinnie a little to get some room to breath and continued: “I think the entirety of this morning was a fever dream and I slept in a ditch, it be a more likely scenario. But yes I woke in Minho’s bed and he was even trying to be reassuring I think in his own way…telling me that nothing bad happened and he carried my drunk ass to his place because his phone died and he had nowhere to put me.” Hyunjin swatted his legs like a crazy and Han moved to the side just to have his side be swatting too, lying on the bed with Jinnie leaning over him. 

“Oh my god…sweet mercy. Are you being serious right now? This isn’t some weird joke is it? You spend the night at Minho-hyung’s place and he carried you..” a loud noise followed and then laughter like Jinnie was chocking. 

Jisung got into a sitting position again and told the other boy: “That isn’t even the weirdest part…Jinnie, he took care of me. Like he made me food and brought me water and made me coffee. He was being nice. Like way nicer then I ever thought he be even to you and you he tolerates for some reason.” Hyunjin slapped Han’s arm lightly and told him: “I can’t believe that he is such a liar. He couldn’t stand you…he rather throw himself of a bridge then spend time with you. This…I will mock him with this til the world ends.” 

Jisung grabbed Jinnie and held his arms looking all worried: “Please don’t do that. I can’t be like this person he think I am by paying his good deed back in you annoying him with this. Like can we just acknowledge he did a good deed and he really clearly didn’t want to but he is your friend and because of that he didn’t leave me somewhere when I was blackout drunk.” 

Jinnie calmed down a little from Jisung’s worried face and leaned onto him half hugging him: “You know I always knew that hyung was a good person, no matter what anyone said. From day one he showed it with his actions. The way he helped me and Lix. The way he still cares about us keeping hydrated and not doing any crazy diets and asking us if we have ate and what we ate…like what non caring person would do all that.” 

Jisung hummed with the knowledge that he could trust Hyunjin’s taste in people. He never picked any wrong ones it seemed. 

“He also let me charge my phone and lend me this hoodie because I lost mine and its cold outside.” he spoke like in a daze.

“I don’t know if I believed the rumors a little or I just was taken aback by his clear dislike of me but I should have held my judgments for when I actually knew anything about him. I think I need to thank him properly and buy him a gift or something…maybe he even won’t look at me like a plague carrier anymore? And even if he does, still I got to thank him.” he sounded determent and Hyunjin looked at him and he smiled.

“Sure you do. You go get him something nice and I can tell you where he is tomorrow so you can give it to him when no one else is around to maybe see you get rejected horribly.” Jinnie laughed and Han looked perturbed at him and pushed him over on the bed.

“Its not like I’m confessing! Its just a thank you. Stop being so extra and don’t you dare make it weird when you see him. Maybe if I try approaching him real slowly, with treats, like a ally-cat I be able to make friends with him.” They both slowly got up and out of Jisung’s bed and Hyunjin straighten up and said: “That is a good analogy when it comes to hyung. But you! You have to promise to not make me so worried again. Like I was this close to calling your parents or reporting you missing.” he frowned and Jisung was terrified by the idea of Hyunjin interacting in any way with his family so he did bow his head and he sincerely said: “I am sorry for worrying you and I will never just disappear again if I have a choice about it. Just never call my parents please! Like that will never help in any situation I may be in.” 

His tone was bleak and his face looked sad and Jinnie couldn’t bear that so he hugged him and whispered: “Ok, I won’t. So lets go find you a confession gift for Minho-hyung.” he laughed making Han look up all blushing and trying to swat him for being so teasing about something like that. 

‘’’

The next day Jisung was super nervous he had wandered around with Hyunjin til like late afternoon having lunch in town just because he couldn’t decide what would be appropriate and Hyunjin just shopped for himself all the while wandering along with him.

Jisung was holding a bag with the hoodie on top peaking out a little. He put the stuff under the hoodie so Minho wouldn’t all out deny him when he gave the bag to him. Hyunjin had kept his promise and figured out a time Minho be all alone which was between the dance classes when everyone left for lunch but he always stayed behind saying he has more to do and will eat there.

So Jisung was slowly moving towards the same room he had run from the last time, feeling very much upset with the world. The last people seem to have left as he entered the building and the hall was empty, only quiet music was coming from the dance studio. 

He pushed the door open a little, peeking in to just ask if he can come in. He saw Minho right in front - dancing, looking beautiful and a little a breathtaking as he was moving with out a care in the world, entirely in his element and making it seem easy. Jisung knew for a fact it wasn’t. He had dance classes with Hyunjin in high school which he hated because, hard. So he stopped when he found his own love which was making music. 

And the music stopped and Minho was standing in the middle of the room breathing hard and Jisung didn’t dare to breath at all. And that’s when Minho’s eyes landed on him and he turned around reaching for his water saying: “Hyunjin left already.” He drank the water and sweat was dripping down his chin and neck, it shouldn’t look good but on him it somehow did. 

Jisung shook himself and stepped into the studio more, trying his best to be brave: “I didn’t come for Jinnie. I wanted to return your hoodie and thank you properly for what you did.” he step close enough to give Minho the bag he was holding and waited for him to take it. 

Minho made a noise like a grunt and took the bag from Jisung, brushing his hand in the process. Han thought the other had warm hands, that be nice if he could have someone with warm hands to hold, his were always cold. 

Minho put the bag down next to his things and sat down leaning on the wall: “Was that it or did you want to say anything else?” the tone was cold and uncaring but Jisung pushed past that because he was determent to remember that deeds mattered. 

“Can I eat lunch with you here? I really don’t have anyone to hang with right now.” Minho looked at him all sharp eyed and kinda smirking:

“What is this about huh? Its not like Hyunjin isn’t near somewhere for you to bother to your hearts content.” the older poured the rest of the water into his mouth and sat there looking at the other like he was waiting for him to run. 

Jisung didn’t. He sat down and pulled his back-bag into his lap taking out his lunch which he always bought from the same place, a vendor just outside of campus that sells just cheap enough to be appealing to students who can’t cook for the life of them, like Han.

He had some glass noodles and bindaetteok which he put in front of him and was fishing his water out of the bag. Then he looked at the older and said: “Where is your lunch?” like they had already agreed to have lunch together and all of this was normal.

Minho looked taken aback like he was caught off guard. And he just shook his head and said: “I forgot to bring anything so I’ll eat when I get home.” he fiddled with his water bottle and didn’t look at Jisung. Which seemed unlike him thought Han, so he reached into the inside pocket of his bag and pulled out some disposable chopsticks and pushed them at Minho’s direction saying: “This is enough food for two so let’s eat.” 

He kept his hand held out and when the older stared at it he kinda shook his hand at the other in a motion to hurry up. And on some weird impulse, Jisung guessed, Minho took them. 

‘’’


	6. Don't trust too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter in this year. This chapter has blood and violence in it so be warned. 
> 
> Hope this shitty horrid thing of a year ends now and the next year be kinder to all of us. Sending you my love!

‘’’

Minho was holding chopsticks and frozen in place, not knowing what to do with what was going on while the squirrel boy happily started munching on his food. 

The younger boy walking up there like he belonged was weird enough but now he was just ignoring Minho’s words and being all friendly, like they had magically skipped into the territory of friendship without Minho knowing anything about it. Why would he ever want that? Just more trouble and drama into his already tiresome life…nah that squirrel boy was not gonna just sneak into his life if he had any say about it. 

As he was about to throw the chopsticks away and walk off the younger said: “Open up..Aaa.” and tangled a piece of food in front of the others face all expectant, Minho was pretty pissed at that but then the food started to slip so he automatically went for it so it wouldn’t go to waste. 

Squirrel boy smiled with his cheeks all full looking way too cute and Minho hated himself a little for thinking that. The food was surprisingly good and he felt how goddamn hungry he was. So he thought what the fuck may as well eat, the younger had eaten the last of his food and he wasn’t gonna be able to buy anything til Friday when he got payed. He was just gonna live off the one meal he gets at work in the evening but that plan did make him suffer while practicing hard. 

So he used the chopsticks in his hand and started to eat the food, he didn’t look at the squirrel boy while doing so… it felt too much like giving in. 

One the occasion the younger had finished what was in his puffed out cheeks he started to talk about how cool he thought dancing was and how he always admired Hyunjin for sticking with it and how pretty the things were that he could do with just his movements. 

The chatter should have been annoying. Minho had been annoyed when he just heard it in passing or in the corridors while the younger was visiting his friends in the studio. It always graded on his brain and when you hate someone then everything they do is annoying. Look at that bitch eating chicken, how annoying. 

Minho rolled his eyes at himself, he was being extra for no reason because right now the constant chatter just seemed like white noise, like something that may even be soothing. 

He realized he judged the boy too harshly, his easy going fun nature seemed either too fake or too happy for Minho. Life was never just that and it made him angry that it seem to be for that boy. Then again he remembers the bruises and the worried looks the boy send him when he sat in his bed looking all scared. Maybe his life wasn’t all peachy either. 

As Minho tuned the younger out while he kept happily talking while taking bites in-between, it seemed somehow that this was maybe even nice. That this could be a thing he would like. 

“Well fuck.” Minho swore out loud and Jisung startled and looked at him expectantly to elaborate but when he didn’t said: “I didn’t know you were so passionate about music building? Well I would agree tho, I think they should put just as much funds and effort into it then the dance studio. The dance studio was build just last year, all new and shiny and with all the needed stuff and the music building is one of the oldest on campus and has like them rooms that permanently smell funky.” 

He shook his head like he couldn’t believe it and continued on his rant which Minho was finally listening to because he didn’t want the other to know he just ignored him entirely, why did he even car he chided himself.

“Like what would you possibly do in a practice room or studio that would make it smell so weird… I don’t understand people at all. Also the studios are super tiny. I mean I’m not complaining or anything because having a almost 24 hour pass to go make music as long as you book a room ahead is fucking amazing but like I love to have some newer stuff to work with, better mics for starters.” he sighed and rubbed his hands together having abandoned his food for gesturing purposes. 

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, having the opportunity to do what you love is a big thing. Just this school has a stronger and more focused dance department and music is not really the biggest success here I guess. I mean, it wasn’t my first choice when it came to the music production either but their business school is very great and dance is the strongest out of the performing arts so it was a great fit for Hyunjin and my parents I guess.”

Minho just got to know quite a lot about the boy from that rant. And he blinked at the sudden pause, did he need to say something now…was the boy waiting on a response. 

Jisung put his chopstick away and started cleaning up the empty containers. Then he throw them out and took his water bottle and offered it to Minho. The older stared at him and then just took it.

“I’m sorry, I know I talk too much and that annoys you a lot probably. I just can’t control it when I’m nervous.” he looked kinda sad all of a sudden and the turn from happily talking to this seemed a pretty big contrast. 

So Minho tried to be a better, kinder version of himself just for a moment: “I don’t mind, you made some valid points on how the school is running things and I have heard quite a few horror stories from Changbin and Chan about the production rooms.” he smiled a small smile and Jisung looked at him with big eyes and asked: “You know Changbin and Chan hyung?” 

“Known them for a while, we all went to the same school and stuff.” it was a vague but honest enough answer. It didn’t give much away about how closer or not their really are. Minho didn’t like anyone knowing he actually had two friends. They never talked much on campus and didn’t go out near there either. Minho was a paranoid fucker when it came to caring about people. He really didn’t like putting them at risk because he existed near them. 

Jisung had sat back down and looked at Minho all in aw’d and then asked: “So you have the coolest of friends it seems. I really love their work. I listen to everything they have put on their soundcloud and damn I wish I could be as good and maybe work with them some day.” 

That seemed funny to the older, he new his friends where doing good stuff but seeing someone else fan over them just seemed silly to him. 

“Maybe I can talk to Chan and see if he wants to meet with you or something.” 

He said it just offhandedly because it seemed like a small thing really, he wasn’t trying to be friends or anything but as soon as he had said it he knew the squirrel boy won’t fucking leave him alone anymore. He always keeps screwing himself over somehow. 

He laid his head in his hands as the other made a loud noise and started squealing how cool he is and how he won’t regret this and so on and on. 

Minho just got up and said: “The practice will start soon so you better leave. I will let Hyunjin know it Chan wants to meet you.” Minho hesitated for a bit while holding his empty water bottle. He knew it be polite to thank the other for the food but he didn’t want it to begin with and this shit as gone too far already without his usual brisk manner being able to stop the younger from thinking this is some blossoming friendship or some shit. 

His mothers voice in his head won out tho. So he turned while the other was almost by the door and he said: “Thanks for the food. Don’t do it again.” 

And that was a compromise he could live with, he saw the beginning of a smile from the mirror when the younger boy was slowly walking out the door and bumped directly into someone entering. Minho straightened up for a moment, like he wanted to step in, he thought to himself why was his brain being so goddamn stupid when it came to the squirrel boy like he had some odd need to protect small cute critters. 

But then there was laughter and Felix was there smoothing everything over and pulling Jisung along outside. It seemed he wasn’t needed and he really never should think that Jisung needs him for anything.

‘’’

The day had been exhausting, Minho was stupid enough to squeeze in a little more practice time alone after lectures because he didn’t have any time tomorrow because of his two jobs. 

And today being one of the only days he didn’t work at the restaurant, the meal he was so looking forward to wasn’t gonna happen either, he just forgot his schedule because they just changed it to include more practice time. 

He sighed deeply and felt kinda grateful to that dumb squirrel boy for giving him lunch because he would have keeled over a while ago with out it. 

He ached all over and was jugging down his water to fill his stomach and get under the hot shower to feel like some sort of human again. 

When his shoulders where finally relaxed and he was making his way out of the studio building he saw it was pretty empty all around, only a few students took night classes here it seemed. 

He walked through the campus passing by buildings not hurrying because he knew there was still 20 minutes til his next bus. That is when he saw something odd. Just between the business buildings where all the dickheads went for a smoke there was a group of guys dragging someone into the smoking alley. 

Minho just shuck his head at the immaturity of those dude-bros still doing stuff like that. Bullying they classmates for some semblance of power over someone. He laughed at the absurdness of them grown man still doing pointless things like that to make themselves feel less inadequate. 

But then he saw a glimpse of blond hair and a familiar face. Why the fuck was that squirrel boy always in trouble and why couldn’t he just leave it be, walk away and let those assholes do what ever the fuck they want. It wasn’t his business. And he really needed to catch that bus. Also he just had his knuckles heal properly again. 

All the arguments he made in his head seemed pointless as he was already walking toward the alleyway. 

As he got closer to the enters of the alley he stood to one side so he be out of sight. He heard one of them speak: “Why are you always running away when we are just trying to be polite here? Do you think your to good to pay your upperclassman some respect?” 

That was followed by a clattering noise the squirrel boy was clearly pushed to the ground. Minho waited just to see what was the point of this or how far they would take it before stepping in, he wanted to be aware of the situation so he wouldn’t be taken by surprise if something happens. There were three of them and he knew that wasn’t gonna be a problem if he attacks the leader first, they usually get scared without leaders, herd mentality and all. 

The leader of dickheads said just then while stepping closer to the kneeling squirrel boy: “Your face is kind pretty, be a shame to ruin that.” and he kicked the younger boy in the gut making him couch hard. 

Minho was taking two steps forward when he heard laughter. It was Jisung. He was laughing. 

Then the younger looked up at the trying to be menacing dudebro and said: “Are you scared of how pretty I am? Too scared to ask me out so you rather punch me?” he just smiled at the dude knowing full well he is gonna get punched in the face.

And the leader did just that, hard. Jisung was spitting blood onto the pavement and breathing hard. Minho had enough and took a slow and quiet step towards the leader standing and staring at the bleeding boy on the ground clearly they were too occupied by their enjoyment of this to notice him getting close enough to touch. And as he did he pulled the legs of the leader out from under him with a swift move of his leg. 

The two others looked at him all shocked and confused as to where he came from. But he used that time to grab one by the shoulder hold him in place with two hands and kick him hard in the balls making him fall over with a muffled scream and the other was coming at him trying to punch him in the face, he was slow tho, so Minho moved his hand to the side while sidestepping him and tripped him up so he fell on his face. 

The leader was getting up and he looked somehow familiar, that is when Minho realized he was the same dudebro from the party they both had been at, the creepy one that kept touching the squirrel boy. 

Minho smiled and said: “You couldn’t leave him be, could you?” and as he said it the leader tried to punch him he blocked it and he tried with the other hand so Minho turned with the dudes arm in his hands and throw him over his shoulder. The guy landed hard with his breath knocked out and Minho swiftly punched him hard in the face.

Realizing the dude was out cold and the others were still whining on the pavement he went to Jisung and crouched down at his level looking at him but not touching. 

“Can you breath?” ha asked calmly and Jisung just nodded slowly. Then older asked: “I’m gonna help you up so we can get out of here, ok?” he waited for a beat to get another nod and then heaved the other up by the arm and leaning heavily on him. He looked around and saw the others bag and picked that up too.

They made their way out of the alleyway and slowly into the streets. Minho walked toward the dorms because now he knew the boy must live there. They didn’t speak all the while. Jisung’s face and the front of his shirt was covered in blood, it looked pretty bad but Minho new from experience noses just bleed a lot. Isn’t the end of the world, head injuries, now that is a true worry.

And he was a bit worried with the younger not saying anything and being so subdued. 

They got to the front of the main dorm building and it seemed like it took forever to get there in the quiet tension. Minho finally asked the other boy: “Where is your card?” the younger patted his front pocket and pulled out his phone giving it to the older. 

Minho opened the case and found the card, had the room number on it too, so he didn’t have to ask. He didn’t feel like disturbing this odd silence. 

He needed to check the boy over properly and see if he needs to go to a hospital or not. And he didn’t want to do it outside, it felt all too vulnerable and he was alert still. 

So he proceeded with getting to the right dorm room only realizing when he was about to open the door that someone else may be there. He turned to asked the younger who was currently leaning onto the wall and looking pitiful. 

“Is you roommate here, do you know?” he waited and the younger just said slowly: “Hyunjin is at Felix’s right now, his there every other evening recently.” he looked sad and the blood all over him didn’t do him no favors either.

So Minho opened the door and helped the other in, sitting him down on the first bed he saw. Then he knelt in front of the younger boy and asked: “Do you have a first aid kit? Where could I find it?” he was being his most calm and comforting self. The kid may be traumatized and just having a shock response at being beaten so suddenly and violently, like normal people would, thought Minho kinda bitterly. Like he had the privilege to be normal, because it seemed like a privilege to him. 

He waited and Jisung said quietly: “Bathroom, under the sink.” and then he picked at something on his hands that seemed to have blood on them too. He had fallen on them probably. 

Minho got up and went to get the first aid kit and it was a pretty good one, all fully stocked and well prepared, he wondered if it was Hyunjin who needed it.

He got a washcloth wet with warm water, he went back into the room and put the kit down on the floor next to the bloodied boy and tried to catch the others eyes that seemed downcast and not wanting to look at him. 

“Jisung, can you please look at me?” the younger startled at the sound of his own name coming from the other and looked him in the eyes. Minho thought he hated that look on the squirrel boy, the scared and tired and making himself tiny to not be noticed look. 

“Are you dizzy? Do you feel nauseous? What was the last class you had today?” Minho asked in rapid succession and Jisung blinked and said: “I’m not dizzy, a bit nauseous maybe and I had technology of music production last. I don’t think I have a concussion, I don’t feel as sick as i didn’t the last time I had one.” 

Minho was a bit taken aback at that response but he was giving clear answers and he just nodded and asked: “May I?” lifting the washcloth up and Jisung looked dazed again but nodded. 

The older gently started to clean the half dried blood off the boys face and he tried not to hurt him more in the process, he certainly was much kinder to him then himself. The squirrel boy sat still and quiet, so unlike himself and it made Minho want to go out again find those fuckers and punch them til his arms gave out.

He sighed and tried to concentrate. Why did he care so much? Why was this boy with his over active hyper sweet personality getting to him? He was not hi friend, he didn’t need to worry about anyone else. He needed to focus…this here was trouble. 

After the worst was cleaned up he could see the younger’s face clearly and while there was a big ass bruises coming and the nose had been damaged it didn’t seem broken. Just to make sure he asked: “I’m gonna touch your nose just to check if its broken, I’ll try not to hurt you, ok?” he looked the other in the eyes and saw them soften and calm in a way that seemed somehow too intimate and the younger just nodded.

Minho touched it gently and didn’t feel a obvious break, may be a fracture but he couldn’t tell that. Those heal on their own, he thought and took out some ointment. 

Jisung took a hold of Minho’s hand, holding it gently in his and said: “Why are you doing this? Why do you care? Why didn’t you just call the cops or report to the school or leave? Not get involved. Why are you here?” to Minho’s horror there were tears in the younger’s eyes and they spilled like a waterfall not stopping once they started.

He honestly didn’t know, he was just as shocked to be here doing this. He had some serious thinking to do on what the fuck he was getting himself into but all he ended up saying was: “You gave me lunch.”

‘’’


	7. Trust no friend without faults

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some crying and blood in it and some cuddles so be warned!  
> Sending love and hopefully good vibes you way!

‘’’

Jisung just cried harder and winced because his face hurt and he couldn’t breath well through his nose. He looked like a pitiful mess and Minho just wanted him to stop crying. He wasn’t really good with this comfort thing he usually laughed or ran when someone cried. 

He couldn’t leave this boy tho, so he pulled the younger into his arms and ran his fingers through the boys hair and held him. He could feel how he was too aware of the others body and how his nerve-endings kept screaming at him. Everything felt like it was in hyper focus. 

Jisung leaned on his shoulder and just sobbed, hard to breath ugly sobbing. After a while it seemed concerning that the boy wasn’t calming down so the older pulled a little away from him and to check his sorry state and decided he needs to do something to calm the other down. 

“Ok, we are getting up and I’m taking you to the shower, you need to get clean and calm down.” it always worked for him so he figured it would help now too. He pulled the still crying boy up and half dragged him into the bathroom. 

Then he started getting his bloodied clothes off, pulling his open jacked off first and then starting to pull his long sleeved shirt over his head. But the younger stopped him holding his hands and crying less hysterically. “Please don’t.” he said it so quietly that it was even hard to hear in the silence of the bathroom. 

Minho felt that sick feeling again, what was wrong with the boy? Who had made him like that? This scared…

“It’s ok, I’m gonna just help you out of your shirt because you got kicked in your ribs so its hard to lift your arms. Then I’m gonna get you in that shower and gonna sit outside the door and wait til your done. Does that work for you?” he looked Jisung in the eyes and his face looked still cute despite the tears and bruises starting to bloom and the snot. Minho wanted to laugh at how sappy his thought were. 

The younger slowly calmed and said: “Yea. Mm thank you.” he said it in tiny and then just stood there waiting. Minho did smile a little at that and then started to lift the shirt again this time slower and with the other breathing a bit hard just looking at Minho’s hands.

He got the shirt off without the boy winching too hard which seemed like a good sign all around. The older looked at the injured boys side and saw the place being tender and red where he got punched, the other, older bruises seemed somehow worse in the clear light of the bathroom. 

The cheerful boy said nothing and let his head hang. So Minho just ushers him to the shower and lays a hand at his jeans and pops the first button only to have the other push him away: “I can do that myself, can you go wait outside.”

Minho looked at the boy really hard for a moment making the younger shiver and then turned and walked out the bathroom closing the door softly. 

‘’’

Minho sat down by the bathroom door heavily and pulled out his phone to see he missed his last bus and now he was stuck walking home, the sleep he would miss because of this. 

He didn’t understand why he was here. He was so good at avoiding other peoples drama, at not getting involved with this shit. And yet here he was tired to the bone and not gonna get nearly enough sleep tonight and for what?

He heard the water run and small muffled movements. Why did this cuteness the boy exuded bother him so much, there were plenty of cute people around that he was belatedly rude to and had no problem ignoring and generally not giving a fuck about. 

He thought about the thing he read about us looking at puppies and our brains not being able to process cuteness so our first instinct is to squeeze it til its dead so there won’t be conflicting input any longer. Maybe that is what his brain is telling him to do, squeeze til his free of the problem. 

He hit his head against the door, hard and said fuck out-loud. The squirrel boy was driving him literally insane. Stop thinking of murder he told himself and knew it was just a dumb intrusive thought and he would never harm the boy. 

Then he frowned again because who said he would never harm him? Like his mind was fucking with him so hard and he didn’t like anything about this situation. 

The water turned off and after a few moments the door cracked open a little. Jisung was wearing a towel around his hips and his hair was dripping wet, he looked gorgeous and Minho hated it. 

He was still looking unsure and said: “Can you give me a shirt and some sweats from that drawer.” he pointed at it and the older got up and opened it to find a plain white shirt and black sweats as the first thing in there. 

He walked over to the dripping boy who wasn’t looking at him and he handed the clothes over all the while looking at the boy, up and down, brazenly so. 

The door was closed in his face and he wondered what was wrong with him for going from one crazy emotion to the next so quickly. 

He pulled his hair out of his face holding it a little too tightly feeling like a mess. Then he thought about the cuts the boy had on his palms, new and old and found some ointment for that. He can give him some of his cream to put on the inside of his nose so the wounds don’t hurt so much when they heal, he is somehow happy that his need for it and weird experiences in life come in handy for someone else for once. Odd thing to be happy about but he takes what he can get.

The bathroom door opened again and the boy walked in still looking somehow pretty in his over-sized clothes that just hung off him. He tells the other who seems to be in the same scared don’t know what to do state he was in when he woke in Minho’s apartment: “Come sit down. I’m gonna but some ointment on your cuts and then gonna tell you how to take care of your nose.” 

He watch as the boy slowly sat on the bed and didn’t look him in the eye as he put his hands on his knees. The older took one hand and looked it over seeing the cuts and scrapes and applying some needed soothing ointment.

The squirrel boy winced at a bad cut and then at the movement of his nose that hurt him. Minho found that funny and he let out a small laugh which made the other look at him for the first time this evening it seemed.

“Is this funny to you? I’m in pain here.” Minho snorted at that and laughed some more saying: “You too much of a squirrel to be allowed to be in a human university. How did you managed this? You fraud you.” 

And Jisung blinked at him his lips all pouty and he said: “Are you the one who started this squirrel nickname stuff? Hyunjin swore up and down he didn’t start it.”

Well fuck, he was revealing too much about how much he had thought about the other it seems. He needed to get out of here and tell the boy to get is mess together so it won’t affect his life anymore. 

Instead he pulled out the cream and started talking the other through how many times a day to apply it and how much was enough. Then he got off his knees and stretched stifling a yawn in the process. 

Jisung pulled his legs to his chest and looked like a tiny ball sitting on the bed, he looked panicked again for some reason. 

Minho sighed and said: “I got to go home now. Don’t get into so many messes would you. Because this sure was the last time I help you out of them.” he didn’t believe the words as he was saying them because they were so very see-through. 

Jisung spoke up: “I can’t….I mean can you…. What I wanted to say is…Could you stay? I mean here.” that sentence was painful to listen to in its stumbling form. Minho stared at the boy on the bed and he realized that the younger’s eyes were threatening to spill tears again. And he had thought that he seemingly had calmed down entirely, how foolish. 

Minho rolled his eyes and cursed again kinda wanting to scream. Then he pulled out his phone charger and saw a plug and stuck it in putting his phone on the nightstand. He sighed and took his hoodie off debating with himself and then also taking his jeans off, after all the squirrel boy was right, sleeping in jeans can be painful. 

He turned to the younger who was staring at him with eyes so wide and tear traces clearly visible. And he said: “Up with you.” he kinda pulled the boy to stand and then proceeded to pulling the blanket off and then he closed the light and pushed the boy lightly to lie down and a confused and wide eyed Jisung did lay on his side staring at the wall, leaving as much room as possible.

Minho smiled at that when the boy clearly needed reassurance and the others presents he also wanted to get away from him, which would be the smart choice to begin with inviting a stranger you barely know into your bed when no one is around and your already vulnerable. If Minho was a worse person then he is, he thought to himself, just a moment of imagining what he could do to the boy if he truly were what everyone seems to think he is. 

He felt kinda sickened by himself for thinking it, the boy looked so small and tired and too scared to sleep. That squirrel boy is really lucky he isn’t that bad of a person. He gets on the bed and he lies on his back and says quietly: “You can hold on if you want to. I will go to sleep now because I’m so dead right now. Don’t think too hard just let go.” 

He thought that was the best way he could express the way he would let things be. He use to hold his cat when he was trying to fall asleep after something traumatic happened and that would help with it, he hadn’t had a person to hold like that since his mother died. 

He closed his eyes and just let go of the day and after a few minutes he was almost drifting off, he felt the hesitant boy curl closer to his side and press his face against him holding onto his arm with his hands. 

Cute thought Minho and deadly thought something else in him as he fell asleep. 

‘’’

This feeling seemed familiar as Minho was drifting slowly from a dream to something close to wakefulness. He was holding a warm body in his arms and it felt so good. He nuzzled fluffy hair near his face and he let out a sigh. 

Then he remembered and flinched. He was in Jisung’s bed holding the other, he opened one eye to check his surroundings and it was still dark outside and his alarm has not rang yet. The younger seems fast asleep, bruises starting to clearly bloom on his face. 

Minho touched the other boys face with his finger tips and wonders why he is here. He felt too much like a fool in this moment, like he can’t help himself. He doesn’t like that feeling. Its like getting lost. 

He should get up and leave. Just go and get to work early. But then there be questions. And he really like to get some more rest. Its a sorter way to work from the dorms then it is from his apartment so he has some time after the alarm goes off anyway. 

The younger boy tightens his grip on his side and he looks at his face and a frown is clearly present. He is sweating. A nightmare, Minho wonders. Should he wake him or just hope for it to pass? He doesn’t like either option so he just pulls the other closer and holds on to him tight. 

He remembers reading that pressure can be calming and that is why babies sleep better when rapped up tight. So he hopes the embrace will help with what ever the other boy is fighting. 

He starts to forget his line of thought as he sees the boy talking so excitedly in front of his mind eye and he imagines laughing along and being happy…he wonders how that would feel like as he falls back into unconsciousness. 

‘’’

He felt someone moving and he stretched to grab onto the person squirming and hold him tight. The warmth of the body and the feeling of soft skin. His hand has slipped under the others shirt and ran over his back and he kinda keeps stroking up and down stopping on his lower-back and feeling the band of his boxers. Fingertips slipping just slightly under the band and sighing.

Suddenly there is more squirming and a slight push to his chest and he is fully awake and aware that he just ran his hands all over the squirrel boys body like a total creeper. 

He pulls away and runs a hand over his face trying to play it off and get out of this with some dignity in-tacked. So he opens his eyes and squints at the boy. The younger looks really wide eyed, back to the wall hands pulling his shirt down and undecided it seems on how to get out of bed when Minho is right in his way. 

Well fuck, ok then. Minho sits up and says to the other: “Sorry about that, I thought you were someone else, I was half asleep.” he noticed that his alarm was ringing on the nightstand and probably had for a bit now as he was so deep asleep tonight that he just wanted to go right back to sleep and maybe hold the boy like a plushy because it sure made him sleep better. 

He took his phone and turned it off seeing that it was the third time the ringing had started again meaning the squirrel boy was probably trying to turn it off and that is what woke him. 

Now there was a awkward silence as the boy was sitting up and trying to look more put together it seemed which was too obvious and made him look more uncomfortable. 

Minho sat on the edge of the bed and thought oh well: “Don’t you find it funny that it is the second time you sleep in my arms. If I didn’t know any better I would say you want me or something.” he laughed and got up stretching his arms and shoulders hearing the cracks. 

He turned around because the other was dead silent not laughing or denying anything just staring at him looking scared for some reason. What the fuck was he scares off now. Can’t he even joke without the squirrel boy being all weird again. 

“Did the cat get you tongue or your just so stunned by my beauty that speaking is too hard?” he thought why the fuck not teasing the younger, was at least fun. 

Jisung got up slowly scratching the back of his neck looking unsure and then laughing a really fake laugh. 

“If people only knew what a comedian you are they wouldn’t be so terrified of you anymore. Although the way you could wipe the floor with three dudes and not break a sweat kind gives plenty of reasons to be afraid of you….Are you sure your not secretly some mafia enforcer like they say?” he said it jokingly but it fell flat. There was too much of the rumors of “his a criminal” or “he has a criminal past” going around for it to not feel like an attack. 

“Sure because anyone who can fight must be in a criminal organisation, you really one to talk, laughing while being down and mocking your attackers knowing full well you get punched in the face. Maybe your some-sort of masochist seeking out the thrill and pain.” 

As he was saying it he knew he shouldn’t have, remembering the bruises all over the other, he may have stepped into something he don’t have a clue about, with his stupid anger. Lashing out at the wrong time at the wrong person but what the younger said really did bother him even as a joke. 

Jisung looked somewhere between hurt and angry and swallowed visibly: “So what…should I stay quiet and just take it while getting beaten? Is that your recommendation as a professional? They were gonna hit me one way or the other. I rather just get it over with quickly.” he turned and walked straight to the bathroom not waiting for an answer and closing the door a bit forcefully. 

Minho stared after the younger. He spoke like someone who is use to getting hit and knew there was no way out of it. That made a lot of questions arise in him. Because he didn’t seem to know the dudebros before the party so they could not be the ones who have beaten him before, yet his bruises were not that old. Fuck this was way too much and Minho didn’t know if the boy owed someone money or was in a abusive relationship or what the fuck was his deal and he felt like he really should not be thinking too hard on it either but he couldn’t stop himself from doing so anyway. 

He looked for his clothes and thought its about high time for him to get the fuck out of there and just as he was pulling one leg of his pants on the front door opened and there stood Hyunjin.

Well fuck ,thought Minho and pulled his pants on quickly. Hyunjin started apologizing and got out the door and closed it. Then like maybe 10 seconds past and he opened it again looking super confused and saying really doubtfully: “This is my dorm…The number is right and I just opened the door…Why are you in my dorm hyung?” 

And as Minho was combing his hand through his bed-hair looking like a hot mess, just then the door to the bathroom opened and Jisung wearing only a towel walked in saying: “I forgot my clothes could you hand me a new shirt and the jeans off the floor. I overreacted before i’m really grateful……you know for…..WHat?” he just realized mid sentence that Hyunjin was standing by the door mouth open looking at him in shock and disbelief and screamed out: “OH sweet mercy I can’t believe you had hate sex with your enemy??? WHat is wrong with you Hannie? WHat the fuck….Oh god why do you have so many bruises? What happened? Did he beat you up?”

He looked angrily at Minho all of a sudden, as angry as he could ever be, thought the older and kinda found it cute that the squirrel boys friend really did care. But he wasn’t gonna fight him so he looked to Jisung and gestured for him to say something: “Do tell Hannie.” he said it with a smirk that made the other look pissed and flustered all at once and so the squirrel boy turned around and walked right back into the bathroom closing the door.

‘’’


	8. Trust yourself, you will start to trust others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that its a slow going with this one. But I try to write more because I like the characters.
> 
> Hope your all doing well and sending love your way!

‘’’

Here they were, the three of them standing in the dorm room Hyunjin looking suspicious and angry, Jisung looking fidgety and scared and Minho looking annoyed and a bit bored it seemed. 

Jisung just bolted to the bathroom leaving an angry Hyunjin and a amused Minho alone. Minho just told Hyunjin: “Calm down and sit and wait for him to put some clothes on. No need to be dramatic so early in the morning.” Minho just sat on Jisung’s bed like he owned it and took his phone and ignored the other boy who seemed to be silently fuming. He just stood with his arms crossed in the middle of the room, opposite Minho, glaring at him with his best effort. 

Which made the older smile and look at him with the most threatening look he had, to which Hyunjin turned to the bathroom door and called: “Are you coming already?” to Jisung. And Minho laughed out loud. 

Then Jisung finally stepped out of the bathroom wearing a tshirt and yesterdays jeans. He looked at Minho now clothed and half laying on his bed and then he glanced at Hyunjin who looked shocked and kinda worried now. 

Minho felt like this be funny even if its dramatic. So he just waited for one of them to do something. It was Hyunjin who grabbed Jisung’s hand and pulled him closer to whisper something into his ear. Odd he didn’t really expect that. 

Jisung looked up at Hyunjin, when they were so close it was clear to see they had quite the height difference. They both looked serious and Jisung quietly but still hearably in the quiet space said: “No, don’t. I’m sorry, I just got messed up again.” Hyunjin ran a hand through the others hair and lifted his face looking at the bruises and said: “How did he get you? Your been so careful? What happened?” 

Now the conversation was just over his head, they were talking so intimately and he was just some outside peeping into their private stuff it felt like, but he did wonder who that ‘he’ was they talked off and was that the person who made the older, fading bruises happen. 

Then why the fuck didn’t Hyunjin do anything about it if he knew someone was hurting the other, if he cared so much? Why the fuck wasn’t he helping him then?

“Then again why is Minho-hyung here? And why were you both like…you know…” he gestured at them to imply something really vaguely. 

Minho laughed: “When you can’t even say it you probably shouldn’t do it.” that just made him crack up more and Jisung looked at him with which for a squirrel boy was supposed to pass for a glare. 

“It’s not like that. He helped me when some upperclassman bullied me late after my last class. He just stayed because his last bus already left and I wasn’t gonna throw someone who helped me out into the cold.” he explained it calmly and he left out where he was the one who asked Minho to stay and how he even knew or heard about the bus…the older couldn’t tell. But oh well, true enough.

Hyunjin stepped over to Minho all wide eyed adoring expression again and said: “Thank you hyung, I shouldn’t have be so reckless and come to conclusions. You are really a good friend to help my best friend while he was in trouble, I be sure to pay you back. What ever you want? I give you the new games I get from my sister…or I can buy you lunch for a week?” He was thinking on it and while the last one sounded super tempting the older just said:

“No need. Don’t bother. Just keep the squirrel boy out of trouble so he won’t bother me anymore.” he felt dumb for using the nickname and for saying it all wrong…he meant that Hyunjin should take better care of his friend not that Jisung was some huge bother to him.

But he could see it in Jisung’s posture, hung head and drooping shoulders, that he had clearly read it as just that. Minho sighed and started picking up his stuff. 

“I am grateful for your help and I will not bother you anymore.” said Jisung and bowed….Like Minho was some stranger or his teacher or something. Now that just felt like a slap. The older scoffed.

“Like you ever achieve that. Hyunjin don’t be late for practice we have the extra session later to prep for the performance.” 

And then Minho turned and walked out not looking back at either of them and feeling pretty done with the entire encounter. To imagine he had felt so good just half an hour ago holding that boy in his arms and not wanting to let go. He shook his head, he must be touch starved, there was no other explanation for any of it. 

‘’’

They second practice session of the day had gone pretty well in Minho’s opinion. He felt like everyone on his team had improved and they would do just fine if they kept going like this for the next few days. 

He was feeling tired to the bone tho, he had worked til late afternoon then come straight to lectures and then practice and extra practice session. It was pretty late and he hadn’t eaten anything but his work provided lunch. He drank lots of water tho so he thought he be fine. Just two and a half more days then he gets payed and can eat more again. 

He thought about buying meat in celebration of surviving the week and making something really delicious. He was in his head dreaming about food and didn’t pay any attention the Hyunjin and Felix sitting in front of him with their own water bottles talking all excitedly. 

Hyunjin shook his shoulder and said: “Hyung where you listening at all? Why aren’t you paying attention what if we said something really important?” Minho snorted and looked at the two of them: “The likelihood of that is real low. What do you want, I was thinking about something actually important before you interrupted me.”

“We were saying that you should come to our group dinner this time. We have invited you so many times can you just spear and hour and hang out with us all.” Felix said it and looked at Minho with his best I’m trying to manipulate you with my puppy dog eyes and I know its working expression. 

“I don’t have the time and why eat out…are you all rich or something?” and Hyunjin said to that: “It’s a rotating thing where the one who has the most money at the moment pays. And we go to super cheep places, we are experts on the best good cheep spots.” he grinned and seemed proud of that which why not. 

“Still I don’t see the point.” Minho got up and took his towel to swipe his face and neck. He was really gonna enjoy the hot shower he just wished he could have some more privacy. 

“Please, just come and eat with us. We want you there and you know almost everyone anyway. I think you just haven’t met Innie yet but the rest of the people are the same old people we hang out with at lunch so its not like you have to socialize or anything.” Hyunjin was really trying to make him part of they make shift group for some reason and it seemed a wast of time to Minho but he also had a soft spot for them two so he was gonna give in at some point. Why not now…

“Fine, lets wash up and I give you an hour but you better not annoy me the whole evening or I won’t come nowhere with you…ever…again.” he looked at one then the other and they both nodded all cute and smiled and ran to get their stuff.

‘’’

As they were settling in a corner with not too comfy chairs of a basement bar and grill place that clearly seemed to be a drinking spot, Minho sighed and hoped this evening wasn’t gonna end up with drunk freshmen throwing up on him. 

They were the first there and Hyunjin happily started ordering stuff so the food be ready sooner. Felix sat next to Minho and leaned in whispering: “I heard you helped Hannie twice now. Does that mean you don’t hate him no more?” as blunt as ever thought Minho and smiled at the other boy: “I never hated him, that would mean I put any thought and care into him which I don’t.” 

Felix seemed to think on that and then say: “But why did you help him then?” he looked like he really didn’t understand Minho’s thinking.

“Because its a vaguely descent thing to do….I would have probably done it if it were really anyone anyways.” Felix expression changed into sly happiness: “So you have a hero complex hyung? You really want to help everyone and save kittens out of trees and all don’t ya?” He laughed and Minho sighed he rather save kittens then people. Cats are much more likable. 

He didn’t bother to respond to the rest of Felix’s fantasy rant on him being a conflicted and reluctant hero, like in a marvel comic. 

Changbin walked in and sat next to Hyunjin saying a general hello to them too. Felix went quiet and focused entirely on the other boy who seemed to be only paying attention to Hyunjin which Minho vaguely had noticed before….He presumed they have something going but its none of his business so he won’t comment on it. Felix being so oblivious to it was worrying tho. The boy was so smart when it came to some things and so entirely oblivious when it came to others. 

Minho decided to ignore the drama and get through the night without getting too involved in anything. 

The Seungmin walked in and Minho was surprised he had come out. He was so busy this year. It seemed he got busier and more serious with every passing year which he found concerning since they knew each other since high school and he was one of the two people he considered his friends. They hadn’t hung out in months it seemed only seen each other occasionally and had brief superficial chats. 

Minho didn’t like to admit that he felt them growing apart and it being kinda of a hard pill to swallow since he let people in so rarely it was hard to let them go, or really to lose them because they didn’t seem to want him anymore. 

He didn’t like where his thought where headed so he just plastered a smile on and asked the other about his projects and how his family was doing and all the polite fake bullshit one has to get out of the way. He hated it.

He was relieved when Chan showed up and sat next to him and the food was being brought and Hyunjin had ordered beer too so they all made a toast and started eating like a pack of hungry wolves. 

Chan was the other friend that kinda had been the one who decided they were going to be friends and made all the efforts to keep them so. Minho gave in to their friendship more then anything. Because the other kept being persistence he just went with it as he didn’t really like the loneliness he faced otherwise. 

Now Chan kept coming by or checking in regularly still, despite being as busy as all of them. He was also the only person who had been to Minho’s place since he moved into it. Well now him and Jisung. 

And predictably someone, probably Hyunjin, ordered soju for the table and from there the conversation was very rapid around him. He just drank quietly and laughed along with the jokes. The food was so damn good that he didn’t really have time to talk he was eating so much. He was gonna suffer later because his stomach sure wasn’t use to this much food. 

He discovered that some of them had never hung out with each other before although they all had some connection points with each other. Like Changbin doing a project with Hyunjin and becoming friends and Chan been working with Changbin’s since their first semester and they have a group together. And Seungmin and Chan and Minho all being from the same high school have a connection that been long established. The new additions being the noisy freshmen. But Seungmin was rarely around and mostly it was the freshmen, Minho and Changbin hanging at lunch because Chan didn’t seem to have time for that often. 

It’s weird to have all the parts together in one place and seeming to get along so well. He liked everyone to a certain extent so this was as close to content, in a social situation, that he was going to get. 

And then Jisung walked in with a boy he never seen before and they headed their way, Jisung looking surprised to see him there. Minho was only surprised how good the other boys make up skills where, he didn't see any of the bruises on his face. 

Minho didn’t really expect to be seeing the other boy every day either. It’s like life just kept throwing the squirrel boy at him and not giving him a single break from the other. Not to mention his mind kept going to the moment he didn’t want to let the other boy go when he was in Minho’s arms and that was really a inconvenient thing to think of. 

They walked to Hyunjin who stood up at started to introduce everyone to the new boy Minho has never seen before who turn out to be the Innie person that he mentioned, Hyunjin and Jisung were friends with him it seemed so no one else knew him either. 

They settled back down and ordered more stuff and Minho really wondered having seen the prices, that were cheap sure, but the amount of stuff on the table how the fuck Hyunjin really thought he wasn’t rich. He would have to work two weeks to pay for all of this he thought and Hyunjin is doing it all on his own just because….And they do this every other week. 

Felix leaned into his space again whispering over the loudness of the others: “Are you angry that he is here? Do you want to leave?” 

The older looked at him surprised because he wasn’t really thinking about Jisung right now but Felix was cute with his genuine concern even tho he didn’t completely understand why he didn’t like the other he still supported his boundaries even tho Hyunjin seem to have a hard time with that concept. 

“I’m ok. It’s not like we have to talk or anything. Thanks for asking tho.” Minho poured Felix and himself another drink and they had their privet toast, with both of them smiling and drinking in a goofy grossed arms way and Hyunjin turned to them and commented: “Are you two dating or have I missed something?” he was obviously joking but everyone looked at them all of a sudden and they all had various expressions on their faces and Felix while usually shy went all in throwing his arms around Minho’s neck and saying: “And so what if we were…are you jealous that hyung likes me better then you?” 

Minho laughed at Hyunjin’s offended look and dramatic response. And held Felix’s cute hand in his, while the other boy gladly intertwined their finger together. 

“Felix here is a real catch, anyone can see that. I’m lucky to have him.” Minho said while doing his best to fake sincerity, he didn’t have to fake too hard and look deep into the younger’s eyes. The other boy kinda ruined his efforts by giggling and almost falling over and then slightly slapping Minho’s chest and saying dramatically ‘I can’t even’ over and over. He was clearly tipsy and Minho moved the bottle over to his side and filled his own glass this time. 

As he took his shot he looked across the table and directly at Jisung who’s expression was kinda lost and surprised it seemed. When their eyes met Jisung flustered and rubbed his neck looking at his lap instead of the older. 

Minho thought ‘what was up with him, why was he being so sketchy’ it wasn’t like the squirrel boy was uncomfortable with him anymore, they at least vaguely tolerated each others presents. Minho thought that was clear by now but maybe Jisung didn’t like the idea of Minho, who still was someone with a bad reputation dating his friends. Maybe that was going to far on the tolerance scale. He snorted and drank some more. 

Felix leaned on his shoulder seemed to have tired himself out. He probably should make sure he gets home safe. Maybe walk him there himself. He wouldn’t even mind, it would be a good excuse to get out of here earlier then he otherwise would. 

He made up his mind and leaned in to tell Felix: “I think its time for you to go to bed. How about I take you home? Is that ok?” the younger looked at him and nodded kinda tiredly. They had a hard practice session and Felix didn’t ever seemed like the drinking type so he probably couldn’t take much more anyway. 

Minho gathered both of their stuff and got up to tell Hyunjin and then say goodbye to Chan with a half hug wave at Seungmin and tell the rest of them: “Time to take this little puppy to bed. You have fun kids. Don’t leave anyone under the table when your done.” he let Felix lean on him while they made their way out and put a arm for balance around his lower back. 

When they got outside and the fresh cold air hit them it was a joy. Felix straightened up and stretched. Seeming more sober then before: “It’s ok now hyung, I’m glad you walked out with me but I can get back to the dorms myself.” Minho smiled at the younger and said: “I bet you can but I walk with you anyway, I don’t really mind it be refreshing. You can buy me a coffee tomorrow when your not hungover because I saved you from yourself.” he laughed and the other boy stumbled slightly while whining that he could drink way more then that if he wanted too. 

He just been really busy and careful about stuff because their first performance coming up soon. They talked about his progress and how it was slightly terrifying the first time around for sure but Minho reassured the younger that he was working hard and doing just fine. 

And before they even realized they were by the dorm building and Felix leaned in and gave him a big hug and said thank you and promised he show up with coffee tomorrow for sure. 

Minho was kinda dazed and confused seeing the other boy skip to the door and disappear inside. He had really not intended to get so close to so many people. And now he was being hugged by not one but two freshmen and he didn’t know if he liked it or not. 

He shook his head looked at the night sky, empty. And started the long walk home. 

‘’’


	9. Never mistrust, unless given a reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this changed POV again to Han and its a slow story so it will unfold just takes a little. 
> 
> Hope you are doing well and sending love your way!

'''

Jisung was feeling too dizzy, after Felix and Minho left he had drank a whole bottle of soju by himself. Hyunjin was staring at him across the table with a concerned look. Jisung only came to this gathering because Hyunjin told him to bring Innie so he wouldn't have to come alone and feel nervous about meeting new people and all. He didn't mind helping with that, he just didn't know that Minho would be there. 

Jinnie has never succeeded in getting Minho to come out with any of them. So seeing him there first thing was kinda shocking he didn't know how he was supposed to interact with him anymore. As he was called a bother again he felt kinda sad and dejected and he really didn't want to be one. They had this moment and it felt like something he couldn't put a finger on. And then the other was telling him what he really thought about him again and he didn't know why it hurt to hear it. He didn't like it one bit that he was found by the older when he was in a situation like yesterday. But just like life is, it threw Minho at him like it was fate and he couldn't possibly escape it or the other. 

But it felt so wrong how vulnerable he has been in front of the older when he didn't even tell Jinnie everything or let himself be seen like that. Not entirely, they didn't cuddle that much anymore, they use to when the first became close but something shifted over time and Hyunjin didn't know everything that has happened recently because Jisung already felt like he was a burden to his friend because the other kept worrying about him, taking care of him even tho it wasn't in his nature to do so. And he wanted his friend to be able to be just his friend not someone who worries about him constantly. 

And he doesn't know what to think of Felix being so close to Minho all of a sudden, it's not like he sees how they usually interact with each other but it seemed so odd to witness that. He never seen Minho laugh like he did with Lix. They touched casually and seemed so at ease with each other. 

Is that what Minho was like with people he actually liked? How much did he dislike him to act as he did? Did that really fit with the reality of how he had acted towards him? Helped him and cared for him...In a way that seemed just natural, like there were moments were they seem to fit together perfectly, somehow, like they always been like that, like there never were any death glares or hurtful words exchanged between them. 

Innie leaned in and asked him: “Do you think the others left because we arrived?” he worded it as we but it could be either of them really, Jisung couldn’t tell if Innie worried about himself not being welcome or Jisung being a hated outcast.

“It’s nothing like that, don’t worry about it. Felix is just a light weight and gets drunk off one glass or something. Minho-hyung is a very caring person as you can see.” he didn’t mean to sound sarcastic but it kinda came out like that. 

“Oh that’s good then, I was worried that there was something going on I didn’t catch.” so the younger was more insightful then most, he did realize they had some tension there. 

“You are such a sweetie you know. I really love how Hyunjin keeps finding people who are just the most adorable of humans like you, to make this..” he gestured around the table with his hands: “Group of misfits of ours so much better.” 

Changbin chimed in, over is clearly too loud declaration saying: “Call yourself a misfit if you like, don’t lump us all in with you.” Jisung made an offended face starting a speech on how they all were in fact misfit and working against a system that hates them for their nonconformity and strive to find their own way to live their lives outside of the set boundaries. 

Chan got all exited by said talk and added his own noble ideas of their search for a life without rules. And Changbin just shook his head while smiling. 

And as the mood was high the drinks were poured and they continued laughing at each other. Until Hyunjin was crouching by Jisung side leaning in and saying: “I think we should call it a night and go home. You usually never drink this much.” and there was the worry again just when he started to vaguely forget what he was so upset about. 

“Since when are you the one to want to stop drinking? You used to love to go out and stay out all night…remember that Jinnie, when I had to half carry your ass to my place so your parents wouldn’t see you drunk as fuck? And here you are, all grown and turning into a worry ward so early into our collage days.” 

Hyunjin sighed and took the glass Jisung was holding and drank it. 

“You want fun, I give you fun but you got to know your limits because I won’t clean up your puke.” he said it with a disgusted face and then emptied his own glass too. So they were going to drink drink huh. Jisung just loved it because it felt like a win.

He didn’t like to look at Hyunjin’s worried face and he didn’t like to lie to him or hide from him. He didn’t like to think about why he needed to hide stuff to begin with. He sometimes hated his life with a burning passion and all he wanted was to run away and become someone else. Or sometimes when he really didn’t like his life, he didn’t want it at all. 

He shook himself out of the drunken down spiral and focused in on their little group were Jinnie had thrown and arm around Innie who looked mildly disgusted but accepting his fate for now and Chan and Changbin where talking to each other in a animated manner while Seungmin commented on this or that with a smile. It was a good evening, this felt nice, thought Jisung just as he felt a dizzy spout come on and excused himself to catch some fresh air.

He breathed in deep when the cold air hit him and felt a little better. He looked at the sky that looked empty and red tinted to him. Then someone ran right into him, clearly drunk and apologizing absentmindedly. 

Jisung flinched big time, feeling his kicked side and suddenly looking around him like the world was a threat that he needed to protect himself from. So he started to walk away fast into the direction that had less people. Down one street into the next just further away and from one alleyway into another. 

Then he felt dumb all of a sudden because he realized he ran away from the bar just because there were people around and he panicked in his drunken haze. 

He stood in a little street with just one bright light and darkness all around and he thought, I’m lost aren’t I. He patted his pockets for his phone and only found emptiness because it sat on the table at the bar. Just like his cards did. Wow he was really dumb he thought.

The he just stood there and laughed. After he finally stopped he looked around for some signs or a place to go to ask how to get back. As he tried to get away from people he really ran to get away. And there was no one around.

He walked down one of the dark alleyways and felt kinda scared. It was the back of some restaurants going by the doors and signs. He walked a bit further trying to get to the front of them somehow. Then he heard a door opening loudly in the relative quiet. And peoples voices filtering in, so for some reason he hid.

“I really appreciate you helping out today. Didn’t expect that everyone would fall ill on the same night. You can take what ever leftovers you like home with you from the fridge ne.” There was the sound of a lighter, Jisung recognized it well, he had heard it and dreaded it since childhood. 

“I sure will take everything I can carry and maybe more. I don’t mind coming in tonight, but I can’t help with close up, got classes early tomorrow. But next time I do the prep for you ok?” there was laughter and the older man who seemed to be smoking said:

“You are the perfect son I wish I had, wish you be with us properly full time, I would make you the manager and everything.” there was a dry laugh that seemed very familiar and Jisung peaked around the corner to see a middle age man, indeed smoking and a young man standing with his back to him. 

“I definitely don’t want to spend the rest of my life working with you, that would be a horror scenario indeed. Go make a son if you want one so bad. Don’t pull me into your weird fantasies.” the young man was speaking very casually to the older. 

“So you really being a good boy now huh? Going to school and no troubles. Normal…almost mundane.” as he was saying it he lifted the younger mans hand to the light that came from the door.

“Yes, completely trouble free huh..” he was referring to the hands it seemed. The younger pulled away and scoffed:

“Who are you to judge me, bone-breaker of Hongdae.” the older men laughed even louder this time slapping the younger on the back so hard that the it made him lean forwards:

“You know your the only fool who is brave or stupid enough to talk to me like that and that’s why I like you boy. Always knew a fighter when I saw one, remember when you were still that wild kid trying to fight grown enforces with your bare knuckles and nothing else. I’m surprised your alive really.” and the young man turned so his face could be seen.

“Your too sappy for me. I’m gonna go do the job you pay me for and you better leave all that sappiness outside when you come back in.” it was Minho, the young man talking to what seemed to be a gangster was Minho. 

Jisung was shocked, he had convinced himself by now that all that talk was just dumb rumors that kids made up to be mean or explain stuff they don’t understand or care to understand. But what if he really was working for gangsters, what if that was the reason he knew how to fight three people off like it was nothing. The door banged close and Jisung made a gasping sound clearly heard in the quiet alleyway.

Fuck, he thought, ‘please don’t find me’ he kept repeating while holding a hand over his mouth. He didn’t noticed that he had closed his eyes and before he knew it he was hauled against the alley wall with enough force to knock the wind out of him. 

“Why the fuck are you hiding here? Who send you?” Jisung looked at the withered face of a bulky middle age man who’s tone was not amused and teasing anymore but scary, intense. 

“I…I….I’m not…I am Minho’s friend.” is all that came out of his mouth. 

The man didn’t let him go, he just blinked and said: “Minho doesn’t have friends, so wanna try again?” the door opened again with the just mentioned Minho poking his head out yelling: “Why is your lazy ass still outside? Don’t tell me you smoking a second one?” as he finished the sentence he saw the man holding someone to the wall and his stands and demeanor visibly changed. 

Minho walked up to the older man and stood by his back seemingly ready for anything when he saw who it was that the man was holding captive. He pulled at the older mans arm and said:

“Let him go.” and the man did just that, turning to the younger asking: “He said he was your friend, which really, since when do you have those, so is he someones twink send here to spy on you…do you still have troubles with them?” Jisung slide down the wall to sit on the ground looking up at them like a frightened animal, cornered and about to bolt.

Minho took a step toward him and Jisung flinched. He didn’t mean to react it was out of his control. 

Minho turned to the middle aged man and said: “He is a school friend. I actually have those. And you don’t need to worry I haven heard or seen them for almost six months, it should be all good.” 

The bulky guy laughed and laid his hand heavily on Minho’s shoulder saying: “To see the day when you volunteerly call someone friend, maybe his your twink?!” he winked and laughed some more, turning and starting to walk away.

“I’ll give you 5 minutes, because I’m generous like that. Bye little twink.” Minho sighed loudly as the door closed again. 

Jisung was trying to get up so he wouldn’t be staring up at the older, cornered and all. He hated them meeting in dark alley’s like that, like it was their destined spot or something. He also felt kind of dirty being called someones anything. 

Minho looked at him, up and down and then settled on his face: “Why are you here? Are you stalking me know? Did you follow me here?” 

Well that was unexpected. Out of all the ways he thought this conversation would go, he didn’t expect to be called a stalker. Minho seemed aggravated and annoyed at him. 

“I’m not stalking you. You think too highly of yourself. I just passed by and happened to overhear you, I wanted to quietly leave but your…friend there, suddenly threw me against the wall and started interrogating me.” he huffed it out indignantly and looked at the older with somewhat of an angry expression, he thought.

“What is the fucking likelihood of you randomly passing by my work place when we just saw each other an hour ago or so? Can you tell me how that exactly works or have you not gotten to that part with your lie?” Jisung was just taken aback, why was he being treated like some criminal for just being there.

“I did not mean to be here, so I don’t get what your issue is. I’m just fucking lost, that’s it…I wandered off and got lost. Happy now that you know the truth.” Minho blinked at him just looking at him with his eerie way he sometimes stares. 

“Your serious aren’t ya?! You really got your drunk ass lost and somehow found me…in a part of the city that’s plenty busy…you somehow have a Minho detector installed in your tiny rodent brain huh.” and he laughed, which Jisung found pretty offensive.

“What you mean tiny rodent brain!? You are the rudest person I ever had the misfortune to meet.” Jisung stepped away to run off but heard the other calling out his name through the laughter. He turned still upset with how rude the older was being.

“You still don’t know the way back, now do you? So what’s the point of stomping off when your detector takes you back to me in no time. As I seem to be your guardian angel or some shit like that.” as he said it he dusted his knees, getting rid of invisible dirt and turned saying over his shoulder: “Come inside, I make a call for you.” 

And he walked to the door and left it open, his choice if he step in or not. This seemed like a cruel trap, either way something bad would happen. He either wonder around probably getting into random trouble like he always does or he go in and be stabbed by Minho’s dear friend or something. 

He sighed and went to the door and saw inside, it was a narrow hallway leading to a room that seem to be like a storage, Minho was standing there with a phone in his hand already dialing it seems.

“I found something of yours, tiny, furry, half a brain…a bit drunk…wondered into my work. Can you come get it?” Minho laughed at the other persons response and there was some more talking before he just said: “I send you the address so hurry up.” Jisung felt even more upset about being talked over like a thing. 

“I don’t belong to anyone so could you stop calling me a thing or an animal.” his voice sounded shaky to his own ears. 

Minho looked at him and said: “I know. I just don’t care. Come with me I show where you can wait.” then he lead the younger through the busy bustling kitchen to a tiny table just by the kitchen door and sat him down there. 

He was unsure of what he was supposed to do other then wait for Hyunjin he presumed to come get him, so he stared at the restaurant that seemed pretty full, nothing fancy but hardy portions of seemingly good food. 

Then something was placed in front of him and he blinked at Minho who said: “You didn’t eat with the others did you? You need food to sober up properly.”

“But I don’t have any money with me…” he trailed off and the other just said: “I'm paying back the free lunch.” 

And he disappeared into the kitchen while Jisung looked at the delicious looking soft tofu stew and big glass of water. He just had to smile, why did Minho's actions never match his words. 

He tug in and felt how hungry he was since he hadn’t eaten since lunch. Suddenly this place seemed home and no longer threatening. How ones view could change from one moment to the next, thought Jisung, as he looked over the content people being almost one of them. 

‘’’


	10. How can you trust something that can end as suddenly as it begins?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing when I'm anxious so I guess I be writing all the time now 😅  
> This chapter has some drinking, some slight panic and a not graphic throwing up scene so be warned.   
> Sending love your way!

'''

Jisung ate his food like a starving man and felt much better after. As he finished his water a refill was made by no other then the enigma himself. 

Minho didn’t spear him much of a glance and kept on moving. He was working after all and he seemed to be working everywhere. Not just serving people or the kitchen. He popped in and helped at the cash-register then talked to the servers and then went to find something in the kitchen. He disappeared into the storage area and then appeared with a utensils box handing it over and that just kept going in a circle. 

The scary gangster wasn’t wrong, he seemed to be running the place like a manager and a experienced one. Jisung suddenly felt inadequate with his only work experience of doing chores for his grandparents. The older seemed so self sufficient. From his tiny apartment to his job and his cooking skills, the way he took care of people, as far as Jisung had experienced himself it all summed up to a responsible person. So why was he involved with something shady like the scary gangster had suggested? Troubles he had called them and it involved fighting…But Jisung knew why the others knuckles were bruised, it was because of him.

Then again it must be a common enough occurrence to be just casually mentioned…Also a spy….Of all the things Jisung has ever been called a spy was surely the coolest. It also made him feel like he stepped into some action movie that he really shouldn’t be in. He felt very unprepared for any of this.

He seemed to have been in his head for a while because he didn’t notice the middle aged man standing right by his table looking at him. 

“So tell me boy, how did you make friends with Minho? Do you own kittens or are you perhaps one?” he laughed at his own very bad pun and Jisung just swallowed nervously. He felt like a trapped animal, maybe all the animal puns directed at him were for a reason, he thought. 

“I….well…I don’t. There are no pets allowed at the dorms. I had a dog at my grandparents place as a child. It’s dead now.” he felt like a dumbass when he looked at the mans face that was split in a grin. 

“You are an adorable one aren’t ya?! Well boy with dead dog, you should be more careful in the dark corners of this city, it looks like you already got roughed up by it, better be more careful ne.” the man touched a finger to his cheek and the way Jisung just yeeted himself back made him fall over with the chair and land hard on his ass. 

And before he could get himself sorted out he was lifted up under his arms and placed onto his feet. He was standing back to chest very close almost leaning on Minho. And the other seemed to be focused on the old man: “Taeyeon-ajussi would you maybe fine the time to go and get more cake we just ran out. Or are you too busy scaring the costumers?” Jisung knew that the older was smiling, he just felt it. 

Taeyeon, as he know knew the older mans name was seem to find this way of talking to be the funniest thing ever and just said: “Of course boss, I am at your service, always ready to lay down my life for your ‘costumers’.” he winked at Jisung and passed them by shaking his head like he had the time of his life. 

Minho moved to pick up the chair and gestured for the younger to sit down again, he took a seat opposite him and Jisung felt his heart still pounding from the surprise earlier. He was way too jumpy, he thought he gotten better but he guessed recent events had more of an effect on him then he liked to admit. 

Minho says: “Your makeup has come off, so your bruises are more visible. Your feeling alright?” Jisung touched his face on instinct and scrunched up his nose because of course it hurt. 

Minho just smiled a small smile at that and Jisung looked at him, really looked and damn, he was beautiful, just sitting in the dim light of the restaurant with a smile on his perfect face. He shook his head, he was drunk…and dumb…everyone seems beautiful when your drunk and dumb.

“I’m good. It be fine in no time. Why you so close with..Um the owner?” he made a guess on who the man was and just hope to get at least some sort of answer.

“That foolish old man wouldn’t survive without me, so I’m helping him out of the kindness of my heart. Why did you drink so much? You know that your not good with alcohol. Did they pressure you?” he sounded serious again and looked him right in the eyes waiting. 

“If they just put it together what a mom friend you are, I’m telling you they would all be shocked. Of course they didn’t, you know them their well meaning fools. I just poured too confidently.” he chuckled at himself hoping the other would let the reasons lay.

“Your the only person who ever called me a mom friend. You know that that’s weird right?” Minho raised his eyebrow at him and Jisung felt his smile freeze on his face, he really didn’t want to talk of the underlined issue of moms. 

“So when you say you going to work, this is were you been?” it was a lame way of avoiding the line of questioning but that’s the best he could do.

“It’s one of the places I work in yea.” he didn’t elaborate and Jisung was kinda too afraid to ask but he wanted to keep the flow of the conversation going as this was as close to normal as they ever got. 

“What else do you do for work?” he hoped he wasn’t stepping into anything with that question and that the other wasn’t really involved in some shady money laundering business with that gangster, because his life wasn’t a movie…he hoped. 

“I work at the marked on weekends and help out in a vet clinic for night shifts. But most often I’m here, as this place as gotten busy, its regular crowd has doubled in size and we had to hire two more people to help out so lots to teach the newbies and at the same time trying to keep everything running while I’m not here.” he sighed and it seemed like the first time he shared that much about what his life was like or what he dealt with on the regular with Jisung. It felt like they were friends. 

Jisung smiled at him laying his head on his hands and saying: “Your so impressive for doing all of that and school. I barely manage School and have never had a job in my life.” 

“It’s not like it’s impressive to have a job and I only do what I do so I could survive, isn’t like anyone is gonna pay for me.” he said it like its self explanatory but they really didn’t know each other or what the others background was so for Jisung it seemed very odd that no one was supporting him. 

“I mean my parents only let me do music production as a side major when I keep my main major on perfect grades. They don’t believe its more then an inconvenient hobby at best.” he didn’t mean to talk about his family it just slipped. He really was still drunk if his tongue was so loose. 

“Mm that must suck.” he said it thoughtfully not judging or questioning. Jisung was expecting either to be scoffed at for being spoiled or told that seemed perfectly logical which were both responses he had gotten in the past. 

“Why did you choose performing arts?” he felt like a cliche for asking it but it was a difficult field and only consecrating on it either made one a very confident or very carefree person. 

He actually seemed to be thinking and then he tilted his head looking at the ceiling: “I don’t like anything else. So I don’t see the point in trying something or learning something if I don’t like it.” 

It sounded so simple coming from him but it felt like a impossibility to Jisung. The freedom to choose. The backbone to back it up. He didn’t seem to have either. 

“That’s really cool, I admire you for doing it. I’m too much of a cowered it seems.” he sighed a big sigh and hung his head. The older seemed to think on that too.

“I don’t think you are a cowered. I think you are doing the best you can with what you have in your circumstances. And that’s not so bad I say. Every one has to live their lives not look at how others live. Because no one can actually tell you whats the right way for you but you. I feel old again. Why do you always make me feel old?!” he laughed a little at that and it seemed so perfect to Jisung. Like they really were just hanging out together as friends. 

Then someone rushed into the restaurant and ran to the register, Jisung saw it from his line of sight and then the someone after talking to the clerk turn in their direction, it was a out of breath Hyunjin. 

He ran up to their little table and leaned his hands on the table breathing hard. Minho looked up and started to get up saying: “Took you long enough. Collect your friend and get home kids.” he patted the others back and started to move away when Hyunjin grabbed at his hand and said: “Hyung, how did you find him? I looked everywhere and thought he got lost and is laying somewhere on some street getting arrested for a drunk and disorderly.” he looked at Jisung with a slightly angry face. 

Minho laughed and lightly pushed Hyunjin’s hands away who stood up properly and wiped his hair that has gotten a bit long away from his face, looking sweaty like he just ran a marathon. 

“You a real comedian aren’t ya. Get him home and you two drink plenty of water. Be more careful next time ok.” it was kind of a dismissal and Jisung looked up at the older feeling sad that they couldn’t continue their talk because it had felt for the first time kinda natural and free of any burdens. 

“I got to get back to my busy work so you to get a cab home if you can ne.” he touched Jisung’s shoulder squeezing it just enough for the younger to wish for more and then he was through the kitchen door and gone. 

Jisung blinked at the door staring after the other and wondering why he wanted to spend more time with him, why he was disappointed not to be able to? What was happening…weird. 

Jinnie sat down and grabbed Jisung’s hands that sat on the table: “Why are you the most terrible drunk ever? You always either disappear or sleep in weird places and don’t remember stuff…Godses I wish you could just be a happy go lucky drunk like the rest of them.” 

Jisung remembered their little gathering and asked: “Are they still there? Did you have to leave because of me? I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to ruin your evening…” he didn't think about Jinnie or the others at all when he got lost and found Minho somehow, maybe the older was on to something with his magic Minho radar in his head….He felt a little guilty tho.

“They all went home, everyone so busy anyway that they can’t even stay out passed midnight it seems. What have we become?! It can’t end so soon….arghh….” he was being dramatic and Jisung just laughed. 

“Did you bring my phone and bag with you?” he just realized he been just recklessly leaving all his stuff everywhere again. 

“What kind of friend you think I am?! Of course I got your stuff you fool. Always making me run around and do shit for you, if you weren’t so cute I wouldn’t bother you know.” Jisung snickered, it seemed that Hyunjin was more affected by the drinks then he had let on before because he sounded all rude and flirty like he use to get when he was at his happy drunk phase. 

“Your horrible, please stop. Let’s just go home. I really like to leave this criminal establishment before something weird happens, again.” Jisung didn’t really know what was up with this place but the owner was super sketchy and he didn’t really know what to think of Minho’s job here or what that meant and even when he was half joking some part of him wondered. 

Hyunjin looked scandalized and they both got up to leave, saying goodbye to the person at the register and stepping into the cool night air. 

Hyunjin grabbed Jisung’s arm and started to drag him along, in the direction of what he presumed was home. He really didn’t have a clue where he was right now. But he glanced at the name of the restaurant just to remember to look it up later. 

‘’’

They staggered home and Jisung fell on his face onto his bed and Hyunjin threw a water bottle at him, well it hit his pillow. He did drink almost all of it before he fell asleep in his clothes. 

Jisung woke with the noise of his alarm, annoying and loud and probably on its third round. He patted the bed trying to find it and ended up seeing it on the floor by the bed and leaning over the edge to reach it. He sighed when the noise stopped feeling his headache and the yucky feeling in his stomach. 

He looked up and Jinnie’s bed which was empty, the bathroom was occupied so he figured he dig around for some clean clothes. He sat on the floor and looked at his phone seeing a message that made him freeze. He felt his hands shake and he kinda dropped his phone into his lap. He didn’t expect to get called upon so soon after their last meeting. He felt cold sweat on his back and a wave of nausea came over him so he ran to the bathroom door and banged on it until and dripping towel glad Hyunjin grumpily opened it and asked: “What??!”

Jisung ran past him and fell hard to his knees in front of the toilet losing all of his stomach content. He dry heaved a few times before he felt slightly better and flushed the toilet getting up on shaky legs to a smug looking Jinnie offering him a cup with water: “And that’s on why you shouldn’t over do it with the drinking…did we learn a lesson?” he was doing his fake cheerful voice and Jisung couldn’t really tell what he was saying because all he could think about was having to reply to the text…having to think of an reply. 

How could he possibly get out of this….His thoughts were so loud in his own head that he just felt like throwing up again. But he took the cup of water and rinsed his mouth instead. 

“I need to shower, I have a class in half an hour.” he started to close the door on Hyunjin despite the others protest and then just showered on autopilot. 

He needed to get out and away from anyone looking at him while he panicked. So as soon as he was vaguely clean and presentably he realized last minute just glancing at the mirror he should put some make up on to cover the bruises on his face. He sighed and hated his life for just a second, letting himself wallow and then getting out of the bathroom to grab his bag and put his notes and laptop in there to get going. 

Hyunjin was shouting something at him when he ran out the door just repeating the ‘he was late’ lie so he didn’t even hear what the other said and in that moment he didn’t much care. 

He just moved running through the campus to his department so he could find a empty room to hide in. He did claim one since it was pretty early and most classes didn’t start til 10. He sat down heavily throwing his bag carelessly.

He ran his hands through his still wet hair and cursed under his breath. He had a project due but it wasn’t in his main major so he couldn’t use that as an excuse. He didn’t know what else would do…maybe that his roommate made him join a club…that could maybe be believable. As he was told many times he was too antisocial and didn’t make friends easily so a social activity that still gives credits be a good thing right? He tug on his hair and just took a chance and texted he was busy with dance club. Because that’s the only one he could remotely think of as believable. 

His hands were shaking hard after he pressed send and he just took deep breaths and let his heart-rate calm. 

The rest of the day seemed to go by in a haze and after his classes he found himself in front of the performing arts building once more. He had grabbed gimbap’s on the way. He hadn’t eaten anything all day and it was late afternoon by now so he thought it be like a late lunch offer or break snack for them he guessed. Also he did kinda cut the others evening short so the least he could do is bring them something.

He knocked on the familiar door and found his friends in the middle of practice, they seemed to be working extra hard to prep for they performance which made up most of their grade this semester as he understood. 

Felix looked at him all smiles and ran up to him grabbing his hand that held the bag with gimbap and jumped up and down like a happy puppy: “I love you Hannie! I didn’t get to have lunch and I’m absolutely starving now. Hyung can we take a break please!?” he said the last part over his shoulder to Minho he looked stunning in a black tank-top and gray sweats, with perfectly disheveled hair. 

Minho looked at him and he could have sworn there was a small smile on his face as he turned to tell the others to take a 20 minute break. 

Hyunjin and Felix came to sit in a circle on the floor with him and Minho kinda stood by drinking his water til Hyunjin said: “Come eat with us hyung, there’s plenty and Jisung probably really like for you to join us…right?” he looked like the cat that got the cream when he looked at Jisung for an answer and Jisung didn’t much care right now what anyone thought of him, as he still was feeling all over the place and displaced, detached from his thoughts. 

“Yea, sure.” he laid the sauces and different gimbaps out on the floor and Felix excitedly started eating right away and Minho sat slowly right next to Jisung. He leaned in and asked quietly while the other two were talking loudly:

“Are you feeling alright?” it kind surprised Jisung and for a moment he thought the older knew something about why he was so shaken but then he shook himself and said: “Not really, haven’t eaten anything til now because I been so nauseous.”

The older scoffed: “You should listen to your elders, I told you if you eat you feel better.” as he said it he picked a piece of gimbap up and held it in front of the younger boys face making him look at Minho all in aw. 

And the other just laughed and said: “Open up wide.” and Jisung just got hand feed by the other and felt himself blushing while Jinnie made a loud ass noise like a shriek. 

‘’’


	11. Love cannot live where there is no trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hastily put 15 ch down when I meant 30...So it be a slow kinda of fic with them having time to figure some stuff out.   
> And here is a update, the POV changed back to Minho and hope you are all doing ok, sending love your way!

‘’’

A few days had passed and Minho found himself alone in the dance studio during lunch, like he usually would the only difference was at the door stood a squirrel boy looking at him all shy with a bag of some food in his hand waiting.

He wondered was this how one acquired pets….By letting them in once and them never leaving again bringing you things and being ever present. He smiled to himself and gestured for the other to come in because this week he been better feed then in the past half a year because his new friends kept feeding him for free for some odd reason.

“Are you joining our studio? I been wondering why you spend more time here then in either of your buildings?” suddenly he wondered if the bullying still kept happening and he just didn’t know about it and he had to make sure: “Do those dudebro’s still bother you? Have they tried anything since?” 

He looked at Jisung who was sitting on the floor busying himself with laying out food, sandwiches this time, and didn’t look up at him so he crouched down in front of the younger boy and lifted his chin so he was looking at him: “Tell me, please.” he said it so the other would understand that he didn’t need to hide this even if there still was a problem, even if him interfering had made stuff worse somehow. 

“Don’t worry they run the other direction when ever they see me. Its really magical how terrified they are of you, like your some sort of boogeyman or something.” 

Minho sat down with a little relieved sigh, then he wondered why he even cared? But then again what kind of human would he be if he didn’t…

Jisung still looked kinda subdued and he wondered if it had to do with the old bruises of unknown origin. The younger offered him a sandwich with a small distracted smile on his face. He nibbled on it distracted by the mystery the squirrel boy presented. 

“After your semester performance would it be possible for you to teach me a little? If you have a little time that is, I could pay you if that would help and bring you lunch every day…” he wondered off with his odd request. If he wanted to learn to dance why didn’t he ask his friends also pay him would be kinda weird…

“Where is this coming from? Since when do you want to learn to dance and didn’t you take a few classes in high school or something, at least that’s what your roommate said…So why you not practicing with your friends if you want to just like learn your favorite routine or something?” 

It seemed to make the younger hang his head again, he hadn’t start eating yet, just holding his sandwich and not doing anything with it. This all seemed odd to Minho and he didn’t know what the issue was so it made him suspicious but that wasn’t really helpful with the squirrel boy so he tried to remember to have a more gentle approach. 

“You don’t have to pay me to hang out or something. We can find some time when I do my alone practice if that fits with your schedule, its usually in the evening.” he offered because the other seemed already to retreat without even saying anything yet, so he wanted to show that his open to it, that his not shutting him down or anything. 

“I only have one late lecture so I can do evenings on all the other nights except Tuesday. I don’t really want to distract my friends and I don’t know if they really be teaching me much, it be more like a fun funny thing and it wouldn’t really be useful I think. Also I think your a great teacher. You seem very dedicated when ever I seen you practice with them.” Minho was taken aback by the compliment as he always thought everyone kinda hated how he approached teaching them and the only reason they went with it was because the end result was good enough. 

“Ok, lets start today then, if you have time you can join me later and we can see what your basic abilities are. You must have some musicality from working with and making music and we can see about your foundation and how quickly you pick up stuff as we go. Does that sound good to you?” 

The younger finally looked at him properly and smiled genuinely at the agreement saying all enthusiastically like a good little student: 

“I be here and I do my best, take good care of me.” and he even bowed at the end, it was fucking adorable. Minho laughed and hated how much of a normal part of his life this boy was becoming. 

And finally the younger started eating his untouched food with a happy expression on his face and that was all Minho really needed to see, he hated his brain because he had become some weird sap without him ever allowing this process to happen, it still had. He sighed and ate his food. 

‘’’

Today was one of the two days in the week were he wasn’t supposed to work at the restaurant so it seemed just fitting that they were calling him. He was glad it wasn’t Taeyeon because the man was useless when it came to handling people and he usually made the clients and the workers run away scared even tho he was being his most charming self, they somehow felt threatened. Minho use to laugh at that and enjoy the show but that was when the restaurant wasn’t his main source of income. It use to be a place he got warm food and a few bucks from now it was running better then ever thanks to his dedication, he patted himself on the back for that. 

Someone had called in ill again because it was flu season and they were short so Minho told the new boy to go through the list of part timers and former workers to find someone who can come in with short notice. He explain the process because this time he had plans and couldn’t show up to help the newbie out himself. 

He was walking from his last class back to the studio and he saw the squirrel boy already standing by the building, on his phone, he seemed to be listening to someone as he wasn’t saying anything himself so Minho approached slowly not wanting to interrupt the other. As he saw that Jisung let the phone down from his ear and just stood there with the phone in his hand not doing anything, he approached the other and laid a cautious hand on the younger’s shoulder only to have the boy fling himself to the ground as far way from Minho as he could get in one move and he stared up at him with eyes wide and an expression of terror on his face. 

Well that wasn’t the welcome Minho expected so he just lifted his hands up and held them like he was being held at gun point.   
“It’s just me. Are you doing ok there?” he waited for the other boy to get his bearings before moving. 

Jisung got up and rubbed dust off himself and looked mostly down mumbling: “You surprised me…I…I didn’t expect you yet…” he lifted his bag off the ground and put it back on his shoulder. 

The older just looked at him not moving from the spot: “That’s the understatement of the year…surprised, it looked like you were terrified by a demon who came straight from hell to get your soul. Which, flattering, but I am not.” Jisung laughed a little, seemingly unexpectedly to himself too and looked up at him holding a hand over his mouth. 

“Can we go inside or are you waiting for said demon to turn up?” he asked moving very much slow and steadily in the others line of sight so he wouldn’t make any unexpected moves, he should be cautious of that, but why, he wondered…where was this coming from?

Jisung just shook his head and started walking to the door. So Minho went after the younger and kept wondering what this all could be about. He got out his card to open the doors and let them in as everyone else had left by now. 

They set themselves up in the usual room and the quiet which Minho would normal enjoy was kinda suffocating with the squirrel boy not making any sound what so ever it seemed. 

So to older thought of a subject matter that could be neutral enough: “Will you be coming to see our performance coming week or do you not care at all about all the hard work your friends have put in here?” he thought that was safe enough to get some response. 

“Sure, I will be there. I cheer for all of you.” he said it flatly and without much of any enthusiasm so the sentiment fell short. 

“Your sure your up for this today? We can push it on another day if you want? Also I got to get some practice in for myself too, this weekend we be rehearsing hard, I won’t even make it to work which is rare.” he added his own stuff so the younger would have a out if he wasn’t in the right mindset. 

“I’m sorry for taking up your time then, I didn’t mean to…I just thought you had time today as you said and all…I can just go ….And let you get to it….sorry.” he was really being very odd and not at all present somehow. So Minho thought fuck it and stepped closer to the boy hesitantly looking around the room, standing there undecided as in what to do next. 

“How about we relax first and then we can see what we can do ok?” he stood too close he knew that but the boy looked him in the eyes for the first time since he arrived. 

“Your ok with that?” Jisung looked at him intensely like he didn’t remember how to look away. The younger nodded and Minho smiled saying: “Then keep your eyes on me, let warm up.” 

He sat down and started some basic stretches which the younger started to copy. Minho did that for 5 minutes seeing that the other started to be more present slowly as he was following along. He got up and put some music on through the studio speakers, his usual warm up playlist. 

They continued with Minho giving some instructions here and there reminding the other to breath and what not. Then a song came on that Minho really liked and Jisung suddenly lit up and smiled big saying: “I love that song, it so well done and I always get lost in it…it Changbin-hyung’s song. It always surprises me that you are their friend. Well you are all pretty cool at what you do so that shouldn’t really be a surprise.” 

Minho smiled while he listened to the other and he couldn’t believe how relieved he felt just hearing the younger talk, naturally, happily. Jisung looked at him when he paused and kinda blushed saying: “Sorry I got carried away…But you know I love this beat, can we work out something for this song?” that was actually a good idea as he hadn’t made any plans yet what exactly they be learning to do. 

“That’s a good idea, I like that song a lot to so it be fun to make a little choreography to it. We can see what your good with and I build it with you in mind so it fit you.” that was only reasonable if his gonna make something he usually would think of the strong suits of the people who are gonna dance it. 

“That is so cool. I never had a choreography made for me…I’m gonna brag to all of them about this because they gonna be so jealous of me getting this special treatment.” he said it all gleefully rubbing his hands together and imagining it in his minds eye. 

“Let see how special you feel after this lesson because you better be keeping up or I won’t waste my time on you if you don’t take this seriously!” he said it while he got up and he saw the younger make his determined look and stand up right away too. 

‘’’

They had a quite good first lesson, Minho thought as the younger seemed to have a pretty solid base to work with from his more then a few classes, it was over a year of daily dance practices that their friends neglected to tell him about. 

They were walking out and it was late already, they did go a little long because when Minho discovered what he was working with he had enthusiastically started to work on ideas for the choreography and surprisingly the younger helped quite a lot by listening to the song over and over and pointing out nuances that could be worked with they seemed to work well together and it was kinda shocking after all this time to discover that they balanced out well. 

Minho hated to admit anything to himself as it was embarrassing to be so wrong, but he felt like he was wrong on this squirrel boy. He didn’t like it but that was how it was. The truth right there in his familiar dance studio where for hours he wasn’t bothered by the other once, not like he use to be. He use to get so irritated just from seeing him around or hearing his voice. 

As they walked in silence Minho was walking towards the dorms automatically. Jisung looked at him sideways and asked: “Are you walking me home? Because you don’t have to, you know I am like an adult and stuff and can making to my own dorm without something horrible happening.” 

Minho snorted: “Wrong, you have proven that multiple times that you can not be trusted to get yourself anywhere without major incidents involved so its better to be safe then sorry.” 

That made the younger pout in a really adorable way and he said a little miffed: “You like only seen the worst case scenarios when I been doing just fine on my own for years and years….Its like you just be magically there every-time stuff goes totally off the rails. So I don’t think you have a all around kind of point of view on this.” he made his argument for him being a capable human being while walking backwards looking at Minho and gesturing with his hands and before he knew it he stumbled on someones discarded can and was about to fall on his face. 

Minho caught him just so, right in his arms, the others face pressed into his chest. They stood there for a moment that seemed to draw out and the older felt weird for being so aware of this boy in his arms. So he pushed him gently to his feet and took his hands off him saying: “Case and point proven by no other then yourself.” and stared walking off. Hearing the other make a noise of complaint. 

“That’s unfair I wasn’t looking, that can happen to anyone, that’s not a winning argument here.” but he was smiling while he try to argue a lost cause. 

They had agreed they have they next lesson the day after they semester performance and that they would take it easy. As they didn’t have a deadline to hurry them along. 

The dorm was in sight now and Minho turned to the younger saying: “Here you are, delivered to the door, I should hurry or I won’t get enough sleep again.” he started to turn away when the younger grabbed his arm and said: “I didn’t pay you because you don’t seem to like that but I can call you a cab after you walked me home to the opposite direction of where you live. So please wait just a few minutes with me and then you can drive home safely and I can sleep a little easier.” Minho was kinda surprised and his first instinct was to argue over wasted money but it wasn’t his money and the other could make his own choices and he was tired. A little kindness from a friend could go along way, he chided himself since when where they friends, but then again all he been doing recently spoke of them being just that. He hated to face facts but it was time….They were friends now ugh, he thought.

After a long sigh and a defeated face later Minho said: “Fine, I take you cab as payment. That’s just because I’m tired. So don’t expect that to be the case normally.” Jisung smiled tho and ordered a cab and said it be there in 2 minutes, which a small relief also to be expected near this area. 

Jisung fidgeted while standing next to him and he was radiating nervous energy and Minho thought what could it possibly be now but before he could address it he had a squirrel boy hugging him. 

“I hope this is ok, I really hope I can hug you because I like to express my feelings but sometimes I get stuck and then all I really want to do is hug the person so I can just let them know….You know…” he wondered off and tightened his little hands that where around his back and Minho took a breath and smelled the boy’s hair, it was nice, he thought and he hesitantly put his hands around the other and held on just for a moment before a car pulled up and they both jumped apart and Jisung said in a weirdly shrill voice: “The cab is here, well thanks for everything and see you!” he waved awkwardly and Minho just opened the car door shaking his head and getting into the warm car feeling the leather seat under his aching back muscles and being grateful not to be walking home. 

‘’’


	12. If we truly trust no one, we cannot survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is an update. It has some not graphic throwing up in it and swearing as always...sorry...  
> Its Minho's POV. Gonna try to do next chapter on same timeline as last few. Sending love your way!

‘’’

He had gotten five hours of sleep over the weekend because he had to combine last practicing sessions before they performance and still manage to work enough not fall short on rent. 

It was fine tho, he was running on tons of coffee and water. He kept his meals to what he could get that day and didn’t think too hard on the consequences because he didn’t have time for that. He needed to put on an excellent performance and get his marks to be as high as possible and be a solid team leader and teacher for what he really always wanted was the steadiness of owning his own dance studio. Making his own program and courses, doing different classes for different age groups and participate in competitions with his teams. He needed to have good work experience first he thought so he would try to get a possession as a teacher and choreographer at a well establish studio. 

His thought kept wondering on all of them plans, his friends had called him crazy for turning down and offer last year to join the tour of a quite famous group as a background dancer because he didn’t want to leave his education unfinished, he didn’t need the one job if it meant little on being able to build a solid thing. He didn’t regret it even if it would have been cool and all. 

He knows himself and what he wants. He works so hard to get this education and he won’t throw it out for just a maybe. He was running a bit late and he needed to make haste to get to his first lesson and then the rehearsal after that, on the stage were they were going to perform. He been doing all his performances in the performing arts building but now that there is the new and shiny music building with a huge stage and room for all the concerts and fancy events to take place, they have a whole concert series with old people paying to see the student orchestra perform.

He realized he actually is feeling nervous about it. He laughed at himself for still getting that feeling, he always does. He was gonna just power through it and be unhealthy and ignore his own emotions because that had always served him well. 

‘’’

He was surprised to see the squirrel boy when he walked to the rehearsal later. He was just inside the music building waiting by the stage entrants it seemed. He lifted himself from the wall and pulled his headphones off when he saw Minho and he smiled. That made something inside the others stomach flutter in a disconcerting way. 

“Are you stalking me?” he said bluntly and the younger just laughed and said: “Yes, I am your stalker, you should close your curtains its really easy to see you change otherwise.” he said it with a straight face and Minho snorted to laugh way too hard and was really glad the boy just ran with him being a weird person and answered with weirdness. 

“Maybe I liked to expose myself, it’s great fun. So why you here this time?” he saw the smile widen and the boy laughed cutely and got his bag from his shoulder and reached inside to take out a paper bag.

“For good luck and because you might otherwise forget to eat most likely if you are anywhere as dedicated as I am when in the middle of something that’s important to me.” he shyly held the brown bag forward and Minho took it. 

He looked inside to find two vitamin shots and a few coffee drinks and bread which was from the fancy cafe on campus that always had a line in front of it. 

This was getting too caring, like even his friends, the people he dared call so didn’t show so much care. Well fuck he had to acknowledge this somehow now and he was feeling too touched for his liking. 

He turn towards the door and said more to it then the other boy: “You can come in and watch if you like…Maybe we can grab something to eat after…” he didn’t believe it himself but he had offered that, it was in the world now and oh well.

“Wow that’s the first time you have initiated any activity…for just like us to do. I would love that.” he said it all excitedly like he won a price or something.

Minho just nodded and opened the door and held it open to the younger. Jisung excitedly hopped along and through the door and behind his back Minho smiled hard and hide it behind his hand because the younger was too adorable to bare. 

‘’’

They had only one bigger hiccup and a few small things that went not optimal but that would all be fine tomorrow for their actual performance. That’s what one has rehearsals for to fix the possible errors one didn’t notice or thought of before. 

And the squirrel boy had sat in first row and clapped for them excitedly every time and was enjoying being the audience immensely it seemed, which made the older smile despite himself. 

After they were done he told the others to not practice any more in the evening and just go home and relax, get an early night or what ever works for them. The disaster twins went off together after talking to the squirrel boy and Felix hugged him all enthusiastically while the other one kept it to a pat on the shoulder. 

And soon there were just Minho gathering up his stuff and putting everything in order and the squirrel boy coming to help him it seems. He had invited the other out so he should pay for it, problem was he had little money to start with, eating out wasn’t really one of the things he did lots. But he knew that old cheap place just a few blocks away that had pretty good noodles, he loved their seafood ones. 

As there was nothing left to do but leave he told the younger: “You wanna go for noodles? I know a place pretty close by.” and the younger looked at him with a really delighted expression. 

“Yea that sound great, lets go. You lead the way.” he did a weird hand gesture while bowing, it looked comical and Minho laughed out loud feeling his bones and muscles ache from over use. But his reaction seem to please the younger so he didn’t mind so much. 

They walked side by side chatting over the rehearsal and how squirrel boy saw it from his perspective which was again surprisingly insightful and he was paying far better attention to the whole thing and its conveyed message then some of the people in they group had, it seemed. Minho just had quite a few people he had taught that just do the movements without soul, without truly understanding that performances are meant to convey something. Jisung understood that part, clearly, he saw what the older was saying through his choreography.

They walked in the cool night and went down small streets til the lantern of the little noodle shop was to be seen and Minho said:

“We are here.” he pointed to the little lantern and the younger looked up and said: “That’s so hidden, I love that, like we be Spirited Away for eating here.” he laughed and Minho just rolled his eyes at him and walked in. 

They sat at the counter and Minho asked: “What would you like?” the other just looked vaguely around and said: “Chicken?!” and the older ordered for them both, getting seafood noodles for himself. 

As they were waiting for they food a quietness settled and it felt a little awkward to the older, like a first date, where he was supposed to talk but didn’t care to because small talk was never really his thing. 

But the squirrel boy seem to sense that and started talking of what he been working on. He just went on a rant about being stuck because one song was just not letting him live, he had a great hook and he loved the vibe of it but every time he tried to finish it and make a complete track it just kept being wrong somehow, like the hook was too good for the rest of the song, everything else seemed lackluster in comparison. 

Minho actually listened and thought along with the other because it seemed interesting enough for him also he had heard Chan complain about being stuck since he was in high school so this seemed familiar to him. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t compare them then, the hook and the other verses. Let them exist separately then you may find the beauty of each.” he said it while leaning on his hand and looking bored and Jisung just paused and stared at him, blinking with wide eyes, like he was trying to catch up to the thought.

“You are more then you seem to be, do you know. People may put you into some category or the other but your really funny and dorky and thoughtful.” the younger said it all sincerely and Minho stretched his slouched form and scratched his neck and was relieved the food arrived so he didn’t have to respond to that. 

Someone new must have been working because the food didn’t look exactly as well put together as it usually did. But then again he hadn’t been here in a long while so he shrugged it off and dug right in because all he had eaten all day was the bread the younger had got him. 

It didn’t take him more then a few minutes to inhale his food. And after he drank his water and just looked at the younger eating slowly and steadily. Then he thought how odd it was to be here, alone together with the other. He really didn’t know how they just always seem to end up together and now he seemed to have given up on trying to stop it. Call it his destiny. He laughed out loud at that and the younger turned with a mouth full of noodles to look at him, cheeks puffed out looking like the definition of a squirrel. 

Minho laughed more. And the other tried to say ‘what’ through his full cheeks but just made weird noises instead. Godses the adorableness. 

The younger slapped him lightly on the thigh and it was simple, them spending time together felt almost right. That somehow made Minho realize how lonely he has been, keeping people at arms length from himself, always. It was lonely to have no family to go back to, to have friends you really don’t allow to close in case they hurt you or get hurt because of you. He just had people who were around him but not close to him. 

That sobered his laugh high and he sighed a big sigh. The younger finally manage to swallow his food and said: “You ok?” that was a loaded question. 

“Are any of us ever really ok…” he said it and then at the look in the other boys eyes, which was way too sad and conflicted he stopped himself and said: “Eat up and I walk you back.” the younger protested:

“You don’t have to walk me home every time. It’s really ok, I can make it by myself.” he just ignored that and kept sipping at his water while the younger pouted and just kept eating. 

‘’’

Minho payed for them despite Jisung’s protest and they started walking back to the campus and headed to the dorms. While they were walking Minho felt something was deeply wrong because he was nauseous as fuck and felt cold sweat rise all over his body. 

The younger asked with a concerned look: “You look so pale, what up?” he paused right on the street and the older just shook his head and ran to a tree that stood close by and hugged it while puking his guts out. 

“Fuck…” he whispered while the other stood anxiously by reaching his hand out but not really daring to touch the older. “Can I help you somehow?” 

Minho got up and felt slightly better after emptying most of his stomachs content. But he felt dizzy now and said: “Fuck, I think I have food poisoning. Fuck….” he leaned on his knees and breathed heavily and the younger looked around and then said:

“Let’s go to my dorm, its close just a few minutes and I have some medicine there. You should rest.” he took the older’s arm and started dragging him along and Minho didn’t have the energy to protest and he didn’t think he make it home without puking his guts out again and maybe passing out along the way, which wouldn’t be optimal.

Jisung pretty much took the lead to drag the older to his dorm and right in they went, although the stairs where a hassle and Minho almost threw up again but managed not to. Which made the younger sigh in relief and when they finally got through the door the older went straight to the bathroom to hug the toilet while puking up what was left. 

This was just great thought Minho, while having a small temporary relief, and just before the performance too. He should never have gone out and its his own damn fault too for picking that place. 

Jisung came to the bathroom with a glass of water and some pills in his hand:

“You should try to drink as much water as you can. Also i added the re-hydration packet into this so it should help with keeping the fluids in. Also some stomach medicine. I had a horrible experience when i just got here and bought like a ton of stuff in case I needed anything.” 

He reached out to help Minho sit up properly and as absurd as it was he felt how weak and sweaty he was and how little energy he had in his body. Godses what if he can’t perform?! He felt panicked by that and the other knelt in front of him offering the glass with medicine.

“Fuck…What if I can’t perform…what if I keel over during the performance or mess up because i feel so weak. I fucking hate this stupid body for being so easily damaged. ” it felt too vulnerable to just tell the other, more vulnerable then puking his guts out in front of the younger. 

“How about you take the medicine and lie down and try your best to rest and by tomorrow you may feel better. But right now it be best if you just let me take care of you….Can you do that?” he asked hesitantly and with a certain sense of maybe leaning out too far over the boundary of what they had tentatively created between themselves. 

Minho just took the glass and tried sipping, remembering not to down it all at once. He sat there with the younger for a while, seeing if he could keep the water down and then he took the pills too. Waited and sipped a little more water. 

The younger started to reach out first to help hold the glass, then place his hand on the older’s knee then he started to rub circles into his thigh. It was strangely comforting. 

Then after quite some time Minho looked up at the other and said: “Ok, I think I can try to lie down for a pit, but my leg may be weak…” he wondered off looking away from the other and the squirrel boy showed that he was indeed fit as he lifted the older by the arms right up and put and arm around his shoulder and half carried him to the bed so Minho didn’t falter. 

He didn’t remember the last time he was carried by someone else, probably when he was a teen and Taeyeon carried him after picking him up from his dumpster, half conscious.

Jisung helped him lie down and took the blanked to put it on him as he was shivering with the cold sweats. That was when Minho realized there was no one else in the dorm once more:

“What about Hyunjin…didn’t I tell them to rest up…where is he?” he sounded concerned and miffed all at once and Jisung just patted the blanked now firmly on top of him and said: “Don’t worry, he just sleeping at Felix’s place again, they been spending all their time together ever since they started practicing for this performance, it seems they gotten super close.” he said it with a small smile and clear sadness, like he been abandoned and has to be happy about it because there is no other choice. 

Minho lifted his hand from under the blanked and reached for the younger’s, finding it and squeezing it in his. Keeping a hold of it and saying: “It be over soon…and you be ok…You got more people….You got me…” he had his eyes closed and he wasn’t really sure anymore which parts he was saying out loud because the strong feeling of drifting pulled him under. 

‘’’

That night Minho woke many times and felt sick and ran to the bathroom and crawled back to bed. He slept some and had weird dreams of a boy being swallowed whole by some sea creature while he kept crying out Minho’s name, begging him to help, to do something, to do anything and the older just couldn’t seemed to get to him because he was being weight down by the ocean, pulling him under and not letting him up. 

When he woke, every time he did he was holding on to some part of Jisung, his hand or his arm or his side, he was sometimes on the bed with him and others, half on the floor sleeping with his upper body lying on the bed. 

When he blinked his eyes open once more and it was bright outside he felt weaker then he had in a long while, like a baby deer just learning to stand, his feet were so shaky. And he remembered while washing his face and looking at the ghost like hollowed face with huge dark circles under his eyes that he had to perform tonight and it had to be his best…..He swore and hated his life just a little. 

‘’’


	13. The little things that make trust bloom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its a fluffy chapter at least I hope it is...But they will have to deal with stuff eventually so it will probably get more complicated at some point.   
> Sending love your way!

‘’’

He was brushing his teeth with his finger and some toothpaste to get the yucky feeling out, he used the mouthwash furiously. Then he leaned on the bathroom wall for a minute to catch his breath because just this…had exhausted him. How the ever lasting fuck will he perform tonight if he was exhausted from getting up and brushing his teeth. 

He kept a hand on the wall til he couldn’t anymore and walked back towards the bed. The younger was lying on top of the blanket with his legs curled up, he looked cold, thought Minho and he tried to push the other more onto the bed so he could get the blanket. The younger uncurled and moved so he got the blanket and put it on top of the other boy. 

He didn’t have any energy, he had nothing else but the performance at eight in the evening and it was still early morning so the best thing he could do was try to rest, he thought. He sipped the water that the other had brought him at some point during the night and took some more re-hydration meds and what ever else was there. 

When he was crawling back under the blanket he reached out automatically and curled around the younger, holding on to him and lying his head on his arm. He didn’t even think about it, he just needed the reassurance of the others warm body. 

He fell right back asleep and dreamed of a warm feeling with no real memory of anything else. 

‘’’

When Minho woke he was looking at a tshirt covered chest, then he looked up and saw he was holding on to the squirrel boy with them both facing each other and lying on their sides, the younger was clearly pretending to be asleep. 

Minho buried his head once more in that chest and held on tighter for a moment, his hands gripping the others sides which got the younger to let out a squeaking sound. Minho found it funny that they always ended up in each others arms but never acknowledged it after, like the younger couldn’t even wake him, probably creepily staring at him while he slept. He let go and put a little distance between them to lean on his arm and look at the squirrel boy still keeping his eyes closed. 

So he thought ‘lets push it’ and reached out his hand to touch the others cheek lightly with his fingers and he watched while the other flinched back and pushed as far as he could go with his back touching the wall. He didn’t expect a reaction that strong but he has to open his eyes now that’s for sure. 

And sure enough a hesitating squirrel boy opened his eyes and looked directly at Minho’s smirking face. 

“Morning. Did you sleep well?” the older said as, what else was he gonna do. So he waited for a answer and looked at the younger while he kinda gathered himself and looked down and then like remembered something looked back at him with concern: “How are you feeling? I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I wanted to look after you but at some point I just must have…dropped…” 

“You didn’t need to stay up. I feel weak, not dying anymore but I feel like I been run over. I look like a corpse too from what I saw in the mirror.” he ran a hand over his face and lied down on his back. Sighing heavily. 

The younger scooched over, closer to the other boy and looked at him like he was trying to see what the other had said was true or not. 

“I have some make up, I can try to make you look a little less dead if you like? Also you need to eat something, that will make you feel better, you always keep saying that to me…” Jisung reached out his hand and moved Minho’s arm from his face, they looked each other in the eyes and the moment was odd. The older didn’t like the twisting swirling feeling moving from his chest to his stomach. 

So he pulled the arm that the other was still holding and made the younger fall on top of him. And as he did that, he thought, what the fuck….Why would you do that for…..And he tried to sit up while having a lap full of squirrel boy who was trying to get up at the same time and they just awkwardly scrabbled and Jisung leaned his arm out and punched the older in the crotch, which ouch….Minho let out a noise and Jisung finally got up and off the bed and stood by it looking apologetic. 

Well, thought Minho, his own damn fault for being weird and pulling the boy in….He got up slowly and sat on the bed. 

“Sorry about that…What time is it?” the younger looked around for his phone and found it on the floor looking at the screen.

“It’s 11 something, the performance is at eight right? Do you have to be anywhere else before that?” Jisung was looking at something else on his phone and typing.

“No, I kept the day free. Also yea its at eight. Is your roommate coming back anytime soon?” he used the word roommate kinda pointedly, he guessed he felt some sort of way for the younger being abandoned by his friend. 

“He told me he be seeing me at the concerned hall, as they have a spa day planned with Felix today. So no worries, no ones coming here any time soon.” that wasn’t what the older was worried about tho. 

“Maybe that’s what we should do then…make a day of it.” Minho said without thinking and Jisung blinked at him and said: “You mean us two? We should have a spa day?!” his voice got high as he said it and the older laughed: “Why not? Its not like there is much else to do so lets just try to make a day out of it…unless you like me to leave?” he said the last part doubtfully not sure if he was over stepping my assuming the other wanted to spend more time with him. 

“No…no I don’t..I love to…I mean….Do that…with you…wow I mean yea let’s hang out…I can go to the shop and get a few things as I don’t have much of anything to eat here…so if your good with resting up some more or taking a shower or something…oh I can give you some clothes to change into.” he went to his draws right away to pick out some of his clothes to give the older. Minho just watched him move and wondered how the other just sneaked into his life to the extent of them doing something like this…choosing to spend the day together. Wearing each others clothes and sleeping in each others arms…Was that what friends do? Minho didn’t quite believe that even if he vehemently wanted to. 

Jisung handed him a pile of clothes and a towel, he took them and the material was soft, way softer then any towels he owned. He touched the material weirdly dazed. Jisung picked up his stuff and took his bag and put his sneakers on. 

“I be back in like 20 minutes or so…Drink some water if you can.” he just waved awkwardly and then went out the door. Minho smiled at the others exit and kept patting the clothes pile like a pet. He got up and went to the bathroom, feeling like moving in slow motion, it was hard to move. 

He let the water run til it was as hot as possible, he shed his clothes and felt how yucky they were, he had sweat plenty during the night. The water hit him and he felt too good from this and he looked at the others products and the shower gel smelled like the younger. It made him smile. 

He washed his hair and enjoyed the warmth. The weakness made him lean on the shower wall. He needed to get out or he was gonna faint in the shower and really embarrass himself when the other comes back and finds him naked and past out in his shower…that be the peak of his wonderful week. 

He got the fluffy towel and dried himself with it putting the comfy nice clothes on Jisung had given him. He did it pretty fast so he could lie down on the bed again. He was exhausted from taking a shower and he started thinking about the performance again and he felt panic in him rise high. How was he going to make this work? What if he can?

He felt tired again and his eyes almost fell shut til he heard the door and looked up to see the other had already returned, it didn’t really feel like much time had passed. Then again time is weird.

“Hey, did you shower? How you feeling?” the squirrel boy had a canvas bag full of stuff and was hastily taking his sneakers off and starting to put stuff away but he paused got out a drink and handed it to Minho: “Drink this, that should help.” 

He took the cap of and started drinking it without really caring much what it was. And as he did he felt how thirsty he is. He almost drained the bottle and the younger said concerned: “Try not to go that fast, you might get sick again.I got us some soft and calm foods that you can eat that also restore energy and I bought a ton of face masks and hand and feet masks and then this lips things. I got them because they look funny.” he pulled out the stuff from his rucksack while he was talking. Minho sat on the bed and looked at the other all exited, he must have gone to multiple shops to get all the stuff. The squirrel boy was sweet and he also wasted so much money to just take care of him that he wouldn’t have spend if Minho wasn’t here. That bothered him…he needed to make sure to pay him back somehow. 

Jisung gave him a banana and the said: “I got stuff to make congee but I don’t really know how to make stuff….I mean I have tried once or twice but I’m like bad at it. So I’m really sorry if I mess up. Also you can put the play-station on…play what ever you like. Here have a mask.” he gave the other a face mask and returned to their little cooking area looking miffed at ingredients and then his phone. 

Minho put the mask on the bed and got up. He moved behind the younger and looked at his phone over his shoulder, seeing the recipe he picked and then looking at the stuff he bought. Jisung jumped slightly when he felt how close the other was and then slowly relaxed asking: “Does this seem like a good one?” he asked turning his head a little and almost brushing his nose against Minho’s cheek. 

“It seems easy enough, how about you chop up the inheritances and I do the cooking part? Does that work for you?” he laid his hand on the others waist to move him a little to the side and the younger went with the movement nodding along. 

“Then its a deal, lets make it together and it be faster and probably better…” he chuckled a little and the squirrel boy said: “Yea probably will, that’s a good idea, if you up for it?” the younger seemed very concerned for him which was adorable and disconcerting all at once. 

“I be fine. Don’t you worry.” and he started giving the other boy stuff to cut up and told him how big he would like the pieces to be. The younger nodded along to the instructions giving him his full attention. 

Minho found it easy to make something while letting someone else do all the prep work, he liked cooking like that, much faster. He mused to himself as he hummed while making the food. Jisung joined in on his humming and they were making some weird melody together til Minho just laughed and reached out and let his hand run over the others neck and stroked his hair. 

As he turned back to what he was doing he kinda realized how they were being domestic again and now touchy too. He wasn’t really touchy with anyone anymore. This was weird, he was sure of that but he just didn’t find it in himself to really care. 

The congee they managed to make tasted super flavorsome and was easy on the stomach. So perfect filling food with lots of nutrients as the squirrel boy kept saying. Like he read it somewhere and kept repeating it. 

They ate on the floor in relative quite because they both were pretty hungry. And after that Jisung gave him another of the drinks he got. Which he sipped this time around. The settled on the bed and started up the PlayStation. Jisung said while they were picking a game: “I don’t have the fifth yet and I don’t really know if I’m gonna get it, it be a lot of money on something that isn’t really that necessary. Maybe we get it together with Hyunjin since we be sharing anyway. Don’t know…What do you like to play?” he hurried along from talking about his friend who was noticeably absent. 

“I like last of us. It has beautiful places in it. I don’t really like zombies or nothing but that game has plot.” Minho said because he only played way back when the game came out first and he was in middle school still. 

“Oh yeaa I have last of us 2, its super pretty with the post apocalyptic views and the story gets so intense.” Minho looked more interested now and lifted himself up more to see the screen. 

“I haven’t played that yet. Can we do that from the start?” he looked at Jisung who looked at the screen and nodded along. After he put the game to load, he got up and took his goody bag to the bed and started picking out things. He handed the older a few things and picked something for himself too. 

They put the masks on and Jisung put glove things onto his hands that should super moisturize them and complained the entire time how yuck the slimy feel was. Minho just laughed at his expression that was just adorably cute when he scrunched up his nose. 

Even tho Jisung was almost at the end of the game he started to watched the plot bunnies beside the other with excitement. And Minho was actually super glad to see the second part of the game as he didn’t really have any chance to play recently and when he even did it was usually something that Chan liked, and they taste didn’t really match that well. The last of us wasn’t really his usually too, he liked cute fun games usually but this one peaked his interest enough to want to know how it ends. 

Jisung reminded him to drink more water and he put the mask on and Jisung told him he should eat the dried banana chips as a snack but the older felt pretty full and only nibbled on them. Then again the fact that the younger had thought so hard on what he could eat and worried about him being ok was kinda touching. He hasn’t really been taken care of by anyone aside his mother, he thinks ever, not like in this way. His friends cared for him, sure but they didn’t really take care of him like that. 

They decided after a while to put something lighthearted on in contrast to the bleak game. So they put some dorky happy comedy show on. Minho found the lip mask things in the goody bag that the other had bought and took it upon himself to put the weird huge glittering lips on to Jisung who kept saying he can do it himself but in the end didn’t move when Minho put it on and waited patiently for him to smooth it out and then laugh at the younger.

The squirrel boy smacked him on the thigh with his hand for laughing at him but Minho put the lip thing on too and neither of them cold speak for the next 20 minutes or so. 

They watched the show while being huddled on the bed and Minho didn’t notice but he started to nod off and leaned on the younger’s shoulder while doing so. 

Minho noticed through his half sleep that the younger took the lip thing off of him and pulled the blanked on him. It was just a little too much, Minho thought, he really was feeling some sort of way about all of this and he didn’t really know what way that was. So he shifted and landed himself on the other boys lap with his head. Why not make the other feel just as conflicted as he did? Or was this maybe about him wanting to lay his head in Jisung’s lap….

After a while he felt a hesitant hand come to his hair and the younger started to absentmindedly run his fingers through it. Minho felt a cold shiver run down his spine. It was a nice feeling, very homey or maybe intimate….He wondered about that.

He did eventually fall actually asleep because he was still exhausted. And when he woke he was warm and the younger was on his phone it seemed, still stroking some part of his head or neck. 

Suddenly Minho had the weird urge to kiss the other, he blinked at the realization and got up from the younger’s lap abruptly. Jisung was startled by that and dropped his phone on the bed sitting up right and asking: “Are you feeling sick? Did you have bad dream or?” 

“What time is it?” the older asked looking around for his phone and then remembering he put it somewhere to charge. Jisung looked at his phone and said: “It’s half passed six.” Minho widened his eyes. That means he should start getting ready and be at the concert hall in like half an hour or so. Also he had to go to the dance studio to get his clothes from there, at least they were all close by.

“I have to start to get ready. I should be there an hour before.” Minho got up and started looking for his things and gathering stuff up. Jisung got up too and touched his elbow to get his attention and asked: “So you feel ok enough to perform? You know that its ok if you don’t?” he said it hesitantly like he was afraid of how the older was going to respond.

“I know, I have performed under worse conditions. The nap and food and plenty of water have helped, really. So I think I am in good enough of a condition to do it.” he said it thoughtfully like he was checking himself over which he kinda was. And he did feel less awful then this morning. 

“Ok, that’s good then. I take my make-up bag with me and I can try my best to make you look as fabulous and effortlessly handsome as you usually do.” Minho looked at the other at that statement and then smirked: “You think I’m handsome.” and Jisung turned and walked to the bathroom muttering: “That’s no news to you.” 

Minho kept smiling tho while getting ready and they left the dorm together like this was all a well practiced routine for them, liked they been doing things together for years. 

‘’’


End file.
